Everything I Do
by purplepagoda
Summary: What if Maura isn't an only child? What if she has a sister, who she's never mentioned? Suspicious, right? Jane investigates. Will what she finds correspond with Maura's story? Is Maura withholding the truth, because it is even more disturbing?
1. Somebody

Everyone has secrets, that is a simple fact. Some secrets are small, that keep people from giving all of themselves away. Some secrets are big, and are meant to stay secret. Everyone deals with them differently. Often, however, when they come out, they tend to cause catastrophes.

Jane always knew that there were things that Maura kept hidden from her, even though they were best friends. Maura was good at keeping secrets, at least her own. Maura, grew up, in a different world, than Jane.

In Jane's world secrets were few, and far between. There was always a pesky younger brother, snooping in your diary, or bright red cheeks, to give you away. Secrets in the Rizzoli family, didn't stay secrets for very long. Angela could always tell when her children were lying. She wouldn't give up until she got the truth, or the answer that she wanted.

In Maura's world, things were different. She grew up privileged, with opportunities that Jane never had. In her world secrets were locked behind doors, and gates. They were quietly whispered about, at the country club, but never confirmed. Parents protected their children's secrets. Not to protect their children, but instead, to protect their reputations. If their perfect child screwed up, and someone found out, it would spread around the country club like wildfire. If the mistake, the secret, was big enough it could result in cut ties, and ruined business relationships.

Maura nervously drums on the surface of the table. Jane watches her. She notices that Maura's anxiety level has grown, throughout the day. She seems quieter, than usual. She avoids eye contact. Jane clears her throat. Maura ignores her.

"Maura?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there something bothering you?"

"No," Maura pushes her salad around her plate.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Then why are you avoiding making eye contact?"

"I'm fine."

"Really? You've been pretty quiet, all day."

"I'm just tired."

"No, I've seen you tired. This is something else. What's going on?"

"Nothing, just drop it."

"Really, nothing? You should just tell me. You know that I'm going to find out, eventually, anyway."

Maura looks at her watch.

"Do you need to be somewhere? Do you have a hot date, or something?"

"No, why?"

"You keep checking your watch. That's the third time in ten minutes that you've looked at your watch."

"I just want to make sure that it's working."

"Why? Is the battery going dead, or something?"

"No. It's new."

"Then why are you worried? Do you have somewhere else to be?"

"I have to be home early, tonight."

"Why? Do you have a date with your HBO?"

"No. I have TiVo."

"So, why are you in a rush to get home?"

"I just have to be home earlier, tonight."

"My mother enacted a curfew, on you?"

"Crap, I forgot about your mother."

"What is going on?"

"I have someone coming over."

"So ask her to stay somewhere else."

"My guest?"

"My mother. She can stay with me tonight."

"It's going to be all weekend."

"Ok. That's fine."

"I'll just put her in a hotel."

"Who? My mother?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"Who is staying with you?"

"It's no one."

"She's obviously someone, or you would tell me who it is."

"You don't know her."

"Is it your mother?"

"No, she's not coming."

"Then who is it?"

"Nobody, Jane, just drop it."

"I'm not going to drop it, until you tell me why you're being so secretive."

"I can't."

"If you don't, I'll just show up at your house."

"It's none of your business."

"Are you afraid that I'll be jealous that you have a friend, other than me?"

"She's not my friend."

"Your enemy? If she's not your friend then why is she staying with you?"

"She wants to."

"She's your enemy?"

"No."

"Then who is it? How do you know her?"

"Her name is Allison."

"Ok, and?"

"And that's all that I'm going to tell you."

"Why is it a secret? Is there something I don't know?"

"Like what?"

"You've taken up a lesbian lover?"

"Jane!"

"Well?"

"I do not swing that way."

"Then why won't you tell me?"

"I just don't want to."

"Then I'll just perpetuate the rumor."

"What rumor?"

"That you're a lesbian."

"The only rumor like that, is that _we're_ lesbian lovers."

"That is completely ridiculous."

"I know that, and you know that, but people are idiots."

"Why don't you want me to know who's staying with you?"

"Because if I tell you, you'll want to meet her."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do."

"Tell me who it is, and I'll tell you if I do or, not."

"Allison is my sister."


	2. Here I Am

"Your sister? Maura what are you talking about? You don't have a sister. You're an only child."

"No, I'm not."

"Since when? Is this a newly discovered, sibling? An actual sibling, related by blood?"

"No."

"To which one?"

"All of the above."

"Then why do you always say that you're an only child? You don't want anyone to know that you have a sister?"

"I just forget, sometimes. If you say something enough, it starts sounding like the truth."

"Why would you say that you're an only child, if you're not?"

"It's complicated."

"Complicated, how?"

"I forget.""You forget? I've never known you to forget anything."

"She's a lot younger, than I am."

"How much younger?"

"Nearly seventeen years younger than I am. We didn't grow up together. It's not as if we're close."

"She's still your sister."

"Not really."

"What do you mean, not really?"

"She's adopted."

"So are you. That doesn't mean that she's not your sister."

"Jane she's almost a stranger to me."

"What I don't understand is why you've never said anything. Why do you always to claim to be an only child, especially, if you aren't?"

"Because..."

"Because?"

"Don't interrogate me."

"Can I meet her?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"She's only going to be in for the weekend."

"You said yourself, you're not close to her. So you shouldn't mind, if I interrupt your time with her."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You won't like her."

"You're just saying that."

"Jane, please."

"Is there something wrong with her? Is she a hellion? Is she a delinquent with tattoos, and piercings?"

"No."

"What's she like?"

"I don't know. I see her a couple times a year. I guess that she's like any one else her age."

"How old is she?"

"This weekend is her birthday."

"How old will she be?"

"Twenty one."

"She's turning twenty one, and she's choosing to come spend her birthday with you?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to take her out?"

"No."

"Why not? That's what you're supposed to do on your twenty first birthday."

"I don't think that my parents would appreciate that."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Why does she want to see you on her birthday, instead of your parents?"

"My parents are overbearing."

"They're still her parents."

"Jane..."

"I'm going to meet her."

"No, you're not."

"Whatever."

Maura finds herself eating dinner at a fancy restaurant. She stares at the college aged girl, on the other side of the table. Between them are two plates, glasses, silverware, and an awkward silence. A waiter comes up to the table, and places another chair at their table.

"What's that for?" Maura looks at him.

"She said that you were expecting her."

Maura looks up, and finds Jane approaching them. Jane smiles devilishly. She stops at the table. She smiles smugly, for a minute, and then takes a seat.

Jane offers her hand, "Hi, I'm Jane."

"Jane, I'm Allison."

"Nice to meet you."

"Jane you should go."

"What are you drinking?" Jane questions Allison.

"Water," Allison replies.

"Water? It's your twenty first birthday. Your sister didn't offer to buy you a drink?"

"No."

"Allison, and I were just getting ready to leave," Maura insists.

Allison shoots her a look.

"No, we weren't," she disagrees.

"Allison."

"Why didn't you want me to meet her?" Jane questions.

"Yeah, Maura, why didn't you want her to meet me?"

"Allison!"

"Tell her Maura."

"Allison, please. Can you just eat dinner?"

"Whatever," Allison rolls her eyes, and grabs her fork.

"You know Maura, she looks like you."

"So I've been told," Maura grits her teeth.

"She looks as if she's actually your sister," Jane adds.

"Yes. I know," Maura clenches his jaws.

"We get that all the time," Allison replies.

Jane turns to Allison. "What is her problem? Why does she look so irritated?"

"She doesn't want me to be here."

"Why not?"

"She doesn't want anyone to know her secret."


	3. Do I Have To Say The Words?

"Maura, why do you care if anyone knows that you have a sister?" Jane inquires.

"Yeah, Maura, why?"

"Why don't your parents want to celebrate with you?" Jane questions Allison.

"You should ask Maura."

"I'm not going do this, not here," Maura responds. She pulls out her purse, and puts a few bills on the table. She storms out.

Jane watches Allison's face, as Maura storms out. Her facial expression doesn't change.

"You need a ride?" Jane probes.

"That would be great," Allison nods.

"Why did she storm out?"

"You'll have to ask her that."

Allison follows Jane to her car. They're halfway to Maura's before either of them says another word.

"Why did she get so upset that I said you look like her?"

"It's complicated."

"Obviously."

"She doesn't like for anyone to know too much."

"What do you mean?"

"I think that you should ask her."

"What am I missing, here?"

"When Maura left for college, she tried to leave everything about herself, that she didn't want people to know, behind."

"You didn't look surprised when she left."

"She's good at it. My earliest memories of her, are memories of her leaving. She was always leaving. She was always storming out. I'm used to it."

"The two of you aren't close?"

"Not particularly. She graduated high school when she was seventeen. I was barely a year old, when she left for college. She was always too busy with school to come home. I usually see her once a year. She comes home for my birthday, that's about it."

"You came to here, this time?"

"Maura, and my parents have a notoriously icy relationship. They do not get along, at all. They have different views of the world. When I was fifteen I decided that it would be better for everyone, if I just came to her."

"And your parents were ok with that?"

"They're too busy doing charity events to even notice that it's my birthday. They put money in my bank account, and call it a day."

"I see."

They pull into Maura's driveway. They find Maura's car in the driveway. Jane puts her car into park. She turns, and looks at Allison.

"Are you going to get out?"

"Only if you come with me."

"She made it clear that I crossed a line."

"I might need police protection."

"You fear for your life?"

"Yes," Allison nods.

"Then I'm obligated to go in with you."

Jane follows Allison into Maura's. They step into the house. Jane closes the door, behind them.

"Maura?" Jane calls out.

She doesn't get an answer. Allison moves towards the kitchen. They find Maura sitting at the bar, staring at a wine glass. Allison shakes her head. She doesn't say a word. She simply takes the bottle, and returns it to the refrigerator.

"Are you over your fit, now?" Allison questions.

"Allison, I don't want to do this right now," Maura insists.

"There is no time like the present."

"Allie, please."

"What do you want me to say, Maura? Do you want me to apologize for something I didn't even do? Would you like me to pretend that nothing happened, back at the restaurant? You want me to update you on my life, and pretend that everything is peachy?"

"Yes," Maura responds.

"Ok," Allison nods, "Let's see. I have decided that I am probably not going to go back to school in the fall. I am going to get married, instead."

Maura turns and looks at her. Jane watches from the sidelines. She plants herself on a barstool on the other side of the counter.

"No, you're not," Maura replies matter-of-factly.

"Why not?"

"Allison, are you being serious?"

"Yes. I am."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I'm in love."

"In love? What do you know about love? You're twenty years old."

"I'm twenty one. Today is my birthday."

"I know that. I was there."

"Why can't I get married? I am old enough to get married, if I want to."

"I'm not going to let you throw your life away."

"Throw my life away? Is that what you think? Maura not everyone can be like you. I'm not like you. I'm never going to be like you. I don't want to be like you. I am tired of being compared to you."

Before Maura can respond, Jane interjects. "Can you back up for a minute, please? Maura you said that Allison is adopted earlier. Then, just now you said you were there when she was born. Can you explain that please?"

"Yeah, Maura, can you explain that?"

"Allison, seriously..." Maura's cheeks redden in embarrassment.

"Maura, just tell her," Allison insists.

"Tell her? Tell her what? There is nothing to tell."

"You are impossible. Maura she is your best friend. Don't you think that she should know."

"Know what?" Jane pipes in.

"Sometimes I think that you really are a monster. Sometimes I think that they were right," Allison reveals.

"Allison don't do this."

"Someone has to. Enough, already. My whole life has been shrouded by secrets, and lies. And why? Who cares?"

Maura doesn't respond. Jane looks at Maura, and then at Allison. The same lips, eyes, and skin tone. They were similar, in so many ways. The only difference being the hair. The texture and thickness was the same, but the color was the variation. Allison's hair more was sandy blonde, with far fewer red highlights. The similarities were eerie. They looked like sisters. Or... Jane is unable to prevent her thought from spilling out her mouth, as words.


	4. Before The Night Is Over

She stares at Allison, "You're her daughter?"

"Now, what? Maura?" Allison poses the question.

Maura stares at them, blankly.

"Now what are you going to say? How do you respond to that one?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because you won't. You never would. I'm sick of it. I am sick of lying. I am sick of pretending. I have always known. I have never understood. I can't do this, anymore. This is my birthday present, to me."

"Allison..."

"I'll be in the guest room," she excuses herself.

Jane stares blankly, at Maura, as Allison disappears from the room. Maura tries to come up with what to say next.

"I always say that I am an only child, because that is the truth. I am an only child."

"She's not your sister?"

"That is what my parents would like everyone to believe."

"And do they?"

Maura nods, "Yeah. Some people can be convinced of anything."

"So, she's not your sister. Which means..."

"She's not my sister."

"Why would your parents want anyone to think that she is?"

"It was better than the alternative, I guess, at least in their minds."

"Which was what?"

"They just told everyone that I had gone to another school for a year, because I needed a change of pace."

"Did you?"

"If you consider Quebec abroad."

"Why Quebec?"

"They had a vacation home there. It was a recent purchase, so no one knew them, there, yet."

"And?"

"And six months into my stay, they brought Allison home."

"And you stayed there?"

"No. I came home. They told everyone that I was still away at school."

"Because?"

"If anyone knew that I came home at the same time, they would think that I had a baby. My parents didn't want that. They wouldn't want anyone to think that their daughter, who wasn't even seventeen yet, had a baby. They didn't want their reputation to be tarnished."

"What really happened?"

"I didn't really plan on telling them."

"What did you think was going to happen?"

"I don't know. I hoped that something would happen, and it would all go away."

"But, it didn't."

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"How did they find out?"

"My mother bought me a dress for the sweetheart dance. When I tried it on, it didn't fit."

"And?"

"I was already four months along."

"They didn't know?"

"It was fall. I wore sweaters. Besides, I rarely ever saw them."

"So their solution was what?"

"Send me away. Bring me back after the baby was born, and forget about it."

"That's not what happened?"

"No, not at all."

"Maura, I don't understand how you got pregnant in the first place. Weren't you a nerd?"

"I was a complete nerd."

"How did you get pregnant?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean A; I know that you knew where babies came from, and how to prevent them, and B; who were you having sex with?"

"I was still a naive sixteen year old, girl. I was tutoring some lacrosse player. It was late, and... I was naive."

"Uh huh."

"He was as dumb as a brick, but he was cute."

"Sometimes you can't see past cute."

"And charming," Maura adds.

"So..."

"I had her, and I didn't want to give her up for adoption. They insisted that I go to college. And med school. By then, she was halfway grown. I was selfish, I am selfish. I chose this, over her. I always have. She's spent her whole life watching me walk away."

"I can't believe that you have a daughter. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I have never told anyone."

"Nobody knows, but you, Allison, and your parents?"

"I would assume that my Ob/gyn knows."

"You've never told anyone about her?"

Maura shakes her head, "No. Her father doesn't even know about her."

"And she's twenty one?"

"Uh huh."

"You never once thought she would be better of with you?"

"Of course I did. My parents didn't spend anytime rearing children, that is what nannies, and nuns, and boarding schools are for, in their minds."

"Then why didn't you take her?"

"They wouldn't let me. I didn't want to. By the time I was done with school, she was a teenager."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"It does."

"So why didn't you do something, at that point?"

"Because she wasn't talking to me, then."

"How old was she, when she found out?"

"Three. She found out on her third birthday."

"How?"

"She overheard a conversation. She's always been smart. Luckily she takes after me, in that respect. But, it is still very difficult to explain to a three year old, that her sister is really her mother."


	5. Please Forgive Me

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Jane wonders.

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"I'm your best friend."

"When would I have brought it up? That isn't something that comes up in casual conversation. 'Oh, by the way, when I was a teenager I got pregnant. Now I have an adult daughter.' I'm sure that would have gone over well."

"Why is it such a secret?"

"I was sixteen when I got pregnant."

"So? A lot of girls I went to high school got pregnant at sixteen."

"And what did you say about them? What did you think about them?"

"That they should have kept their legs closed," Jane admits.

"Exactly. My parents were so disappointed. I never made mistakes. I never did anything wrong. Until, then. I knew better, and I did it anyway."

"People make mistakes."

"Most people's mistakes don't involve the creation of another human being."

"You would be surprised."

"If I had told you, you would think that I am a cold heartless bitch. What kind of person walks out on their own child? What kind of person is selfish enough to fulfill their wants, and needs, without regard to their child?"

"You've thought about this a lot, huh?"

"Yeah. I've had a long time to think about it. I have been thinking about it, since the day she was born. I made every possible mistake, that I could have made, with her. I lied to her. I walked out on her. It doesn't take a genius to figure out, why she only comes around once a year."

"Is that her, or is that you?"

"She doesn't want to have anything to do with me," Maura reveals.

"Then why is she here?"

"It beats the alternative."

"Maura, she's your daughter."

"I know that."

"Do you?" a voice questions from behind them.

Jane turns, and sees Allison coming into the room.

"My whole life you've been running, from me. I never understood what I did wrong. I could never understand why you left me with them. Why you chose anything, and everything over me. I don't know if I will ever understand. You were too selfish to let me go, and to childish to take responsibility for me, yourself."

"I was sixteen years old. I was not ready to be anyone's parent," Maura defends herself.

"Then why didn't you give me to someone who was? You grew up in that house, you knew what it was like. Why would you choose that for me? You could have chosen anyone else, in the world."

"I'm sorry. I did what I thought that I had to."

"You did what you had to, so that you could still have what you wanted."

"I can't go back and fix it. I don't know what you want me to say."

"That you're sorry."

"I am sorry," Maura replies, sincerely.

"Why did you leave me?"

"I wasn't ready to be a parent," Maura swallows hard.

"Do you remember my third birthday?"

"Of course I do," Maura nods.

_August 19th, 1993-_

_Maura stands in her father's office, talking to her mother. Her mother faces the bookshelves. She stands with her back to Maura. She holds a stiff drink in her hand. Maura leans up against her father's massive mahogany desk. _

_"Maura why are you here?"_

_"What do you mean why am I here? It's her birthday."_

_"Every time you come home, it just upsets her more."_

_"I am sorry for trying to do the right thing. I am sorry, that I want to see her."_

_"You should go."_

_"I promised that I would stay with her."_

_"You should go. It will only make it harder, if you stay."_

_"I think that she should come with me."_

_"Come with you? Back to your one bedroom apartment? Who is going to take care of her."_

_"I am," Maura's voice grows louder, with each passing second._

_"You can't take care of her. Who will take care of her, while you're in school."_

_"I'll put her in daycare."_

_"How?"_

_"What do you mean how?"_

_"How do you plan on doing that, with no job?"_

_Maura furrows her brow._

_"You can take her, but if you do I will not continue to support her. If you want to be her parent, if you want to be an adult, then you will find a way. You can get a job, and take care of her. You can do what every other single parent has to do."_

_"What are you saying?"_

_"Your tuition will be cancelled. Your bank accounts will be frozen. Your trust fund will be withheld. I will withdraw all financial support," Constance replies._

_"You can't be serious."_

_"I am."_

_"You're blackmailing me? I am her mother. Why are you doing this?"_

_"Maura, you are not cut out to be anyone's mother."_

_"You just don't want anyone to gossip about what a crap parent you are."_

_"What is that supposed to mean?"_

_"What would people say if they found out that she is not your daughter? What would they say, if they found out that your daughter got pregnant at sixteen, and had a child, out of wedlock? You would be disgraced. Your reputation would be tarnished."_

_"Maura she is three years old. It is too late to start playing mommy now," she warns._

_"Playing? I am her mother. I am Allison's mother. You are not. You aren't my mother either."_

_"Maura you should leave."_

_"I am not leaving without Allison."_

_"Yes, you will."_

_"I am her mother."_

_The three year old pushes the heavy wood door open. She comes into the room. Her hair long, thick, blonde, hair is still pulled back in ribbons. She's still wearing her pink birthday dress. She comes into the room. She stops between the two grown women. She looks at Maura. _

_"Allison, you should go put your presents away," Maura's mother chimes._

_"Whose, mother are you?" Allison questions._

_Maura bends down, and picks her up. She carries the little girl, to her room. She sits her on her bed. She begins packing her suitcase. _

_"Maura? Whose mother are you?" Allison repeats._

_Maura drops her shoes into the open suitcase. She bends down to Allison's level. She looks her in the eyes._

_"Yours."_


	6. All For Love

_Ten minutes later Maura has finished packing her suitcase. Allison sits on the bed, in tears. Maura zips her suitcase. She sits it on the floor._

_"Come on, let's go get some cake."_

_"No," Allison crosses her arms, defiantly._

_"I'm getting ready to leave."_

_"Don't leave me," Allison begs, with tears streaming down her face._

_"I have to go."_

_"I'll go with you," Allison insists._

_"You can't."_

_"Please. Maura, please."_

_Maura freezes. She stares at the little girl's innocent face. Before she can blink Allison is wrapping her arms around her. She wraps her legs around her too._

_"Allie, you have to let go. I have to go."_

_"No. No. Don't leave me."_

_"I have to get home."_

_"No. I want to go with you. Mommy, take me with you."_

_Maura swallows hard. She fights off tears, as the little girl presses her head to her shoulder._

* * *

><p>Allison looks at Maura. She shakes her head.<p>

"I never knew that she threatened to cut you off."

"I wanted to take you with me, but I couldn't. I had never had a job. I didn't know how to take care of you."

"You should have fought harder."

"I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you follow their plan? Go to Canada? Give birth in secret. Come back after a few months, with a nice tan?"

* * *

><p><em>August 19th 1990,<em>

_She sits in the hospital bed. The room is silent. It is another month until her seventeen birthday. And, yet, here she is, with a baby. She stares at the baby, in her arms. This was not part of the plan. She had a plan. Graduate early. Go to college. Get into med school. Become a doctor. _

_She stares at the sleeping newborn. The social worker would be by soon, to pry the baby away from her, no matter how much she protests. Her parents would show up soon, and drag her back home, sans baby. _

_Her thoughts keep drifting back to the sleeping baby, in her arms. She stares at the little girl. A perfect, pink bundle. She had never held a baby before. She expects the little girl to cry, but she doesn't. Instead, she sleeps peacefully, in her arms. She wears a tiny pink cap. Under the tiny pink cap, is a layer of bright red hair, that will fade to blonde. Behind her closed eyelids, blue eyes, that will eventually change colors. Tiny, symmetrical lips, and ears. A button nose._

_She hears the footsteps coming down the hall. She braces herself for what comes next. Her parents come into the room. They move towards her, like bees to a hive, wanting only one thing. They stop at her bedside. They reach for the baby. _

_"We're here to take you home," her mother announces, holding her arms out for the baby._

_"No," Maura responds._

_"What do you mean, no? Maura give me the baby. The social worker is waiting. Our flight is set. We need to get you ready to leave. I don't want us to miss our flight. Don't be stubborn. Tell her, goodbye, and let's go."_

_"No," Maura shakes her head._

_"Excuse me?"_

_"I'm not leaving her. I want to keep her."_

_"Excuse me?" her mother raises an eyebrow._

_"I want to keep her."_

_"Maura, you can't keep her."_

_Her father nudges her mother._

_"Maybe we could work something out," he suggests._

_"Like what?" _


	7. Cuts Like A Knife

Jane makes an exit, leaving the two of them alone.

"Why are you staring at me, like that, for?" Maura questions.

"I'm hungry."

"We just had dinner."

"We went to dinner. I didn't eat. You stormed out before I could have two bites."

"I'll make you something. What would you like?"

"I don't know."

"I can make..."

"Do you have any macaroni, and cheese."

"Seriously?" Maura raises an eyebrow.

"I spent twelve years in boarding school. Immediately following that, I was sent straight to an Ivy league college. They don't serve macaroni, and cheese."

"I have some pasta, and..."

"I just want mac, and cheese out of a box. Is that too much to ask?"

"No. It's not."

"Just once I wish that I had a normal life."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted you to have opportunities that I couldn't give you."

"I'm grateful, but... I never asked for all of that."

"I did what I thought was best."

"You always say that. Everyone always says that. But nobody ever asked me what I wanted. What everyone else wanted for me..."

"It's not the same?"

"No. I just wanted to be a normal kid. I never got to be normal. I was always pushed to be extraordinary. I never wanted to be extraordinary. I just wanted a family I could come home to. A house, that wasn't always empty, when I came home. A family that sat around the dinner table, and ate together. Parents who worked hard, and still made it home for dinner, even if it was just mac and cheese."

"Allison, I'm sorry."

"For what? For giving birth to me? Why did you even have me? What did you think was going to happen? You thought that everything would go back to normal? You thought that you could just go on with your life, and forget the fact that you had me? You really thought that you could just pretend that it never happened?"

"No. I knew that I couldn't just pretend that it never happened."

"Then why did you?"

"You never came to see me. You never called, or wrote. You never did anything, that any mother should do."

"I have made a lot of mistakes."

"Like getting pregnant, at sixteen? Like having me? Like keeping me?" Allison probes as tears trickle down her cheeks.

"No."

"No? You think that I am dense enough to believe that you don't think that I was a mistake?"

"No, of course not. I know how bright you are..."

Allison cuts her off, "Don't say it."

"You are gifted."

"I do not want to be. I never asked to be. All I ever wanted to be, was loved."

"I am sorry that you didn't feel loved."

"You're sorry about a lot of things."

"What would you like me to say? What can I say, or do, to make this all better?"

"It's too late."

Maura leads her into the living room. She plants her on the couch. She takes a seat next to her.

"I have never once regretted having you. You were not part of my plan, but you weren't a mistake."

"Really? It has always felt that way."

"I am sorry you never felt loved, but you were."

"By who? My absentee, fake, parents. The nuns?"

"By me."

"That's not true. You have never loved anyone, but yourself."

"I love you."

"No, you don't. If you did, you would have made different choices."

"You have no idea."

"I know that you chose your career over me. Everything else was always more important. You never made time for me."

"Any time you have ever called, I have been there for you."

"I shouldn't have to call. You are the adult. Me, needing my mother, needing you, that was inherent."

"I have never missed a birthday, or a Christmas."

"A Christmas card doesn't count."

"Just because you didn't see me, doesn't mean that I wasn't there for you."

"Really? I don't remember you ever being around."

"When you were two you got chickenpox. You had been sick for three days, your fever was uncontrollable, and you wouldn't stop crying. As soon as I found out, I flew home. I stayed with you, for four days."

"I don't remember that."

"When you were six, and you had your first piano recital, I was there."

"What song did I play?"

"The Waltz Of Flowers, by Tchaikovsky. Everyone was so impressed that you could play so beautifully, and flawlessly, at six. I assumed that you chose it, because the previous Christmas I had taken you to see the Nutcracker. I know how much you loved it."

"I see it every year."

"You made me take you three times, in one weekend, when you were five. That was what inspired you to start ballet. When you were twelve you played the role of Clara. When you were fifteen you took up horseback riding. Much to everyone's disdain you took up western pleasure riding."

"I always assumed that they bought the horse, but they didn't, did they?"

"No. Speaking of which, the board bill is due. When you were seventeen you were given a full academic scholarship to Brown University, which you turned down, to go to Northwestern, which I will never understand."

"I may have been chasing after a boy. That didn't, work, but I liked it there, so I stayed."

"Have you ever considered transferring."

"Transferring? Where would I transfer to?"

"You could move here."

"Why would I do that?"

"I..."

"You what?"

"It would be nice, if you would move closer."

"Why?"

"Then I could see you more."

"Our relationship is never going to be rainbows and fairies, you know that right. There is a lot of time that can't be gotten back. There are a lot of things, that can't be fixed. You know that right?"

"I know. I would like to try, and rectify this."

"I don't know if that can be done."

"I'd like to try."


	8. 18 til I Die

She peers in the door, as her grown daughter sleeps. It was hard to grasp the concept, of having a grown daughter. It was hard to process, that the baby she had given birth to was now a grown woman. An adult, who could take care of herself. She was grown, and Maura had missed most of it. Her foolish pride had clouded her judgment.

Her fear of being judged, kept her from being the person that her daughter had needed her to be. She backs out of the doorway, and makes her way down the hall. She tiptoes into her bedroom. She fights the urge to curl up into a ball, on the bed, and cry herself to sleep. Instead she walks past the bed, to the closet. She pushes past the clothes. She reaches for the box, forgotten, in the back corner. She wipes the dust off of it, and pulls it out.

She opens the lid. She plants herself on the floor of the closet. She lifts the item off the top, and sets it aside. She then tips the container on it's side, knowing that there are no more breakable items inside. She stares at the items on the floor, in front of her, as she pushes the container aside. A whole life, condensed into one box. She's too busy studying the items, to notice the footsteps coming towards her.

"What are you doing?" a voice asks.

Maura turns around, she finds Allison standing in her pajamas. She motions her in.

"I was just going through some things."

"Oh," Allison hesitates. She lingers in the doorway.

Maura pats the spot on the floor, next to her. "Come on. You should see this."

Allison nods, and reluctantly joins Maura on the floor. The first thing that she notices is a set of plaster Paris, handprints. She looks at Maura, as she stares at them.

Maura reaches for them. She carefully places them on Allison's lap.

"Whose are they?" Allison questions.

"They're yours," she answers.

"I didn't know that you had them."

"I have a lot of things that you don't know about."

"Like what?" Allison inquires.

Maura studies the pile, for a moment. She pulls out another item, and hands it to Allison. Allison takes the ballet slippers out of her hand.

"My pointe shoes?" she rubs her finger over the worn soles, "How did you get these?"

"I took them."

"I threw them away."

"I know. I thought that you might want them later."

"Why?"

"You wore them when you were in _The_ _Nutcracker._"

"I remember."

Maura reaches into the pile again. She pulls out a three first place ribbons. Allison takes them from her.

"First place for your science fair in sixth grade. First place in showmanship, with the horse."

"And the third? A second place ribbon? From what? Why would you save a second place ribbon?"

"It was a poetry contest, from when you were nine."

"I got second place."

"The girl who won first place was seventeen. I was proud of you."

"I don't remember you being there."

"I wasn't. You wrote me a letter about it. You sent me the ribbon."

"You kept it?"

"Of course. I have the poem too," Maura pulls the poem out of the pile.

"Why do you have all of this?"

"I thought that someone should save it. Aww, look at this," Maura pulls another item out of the pile.

"What is it?"

Maura hands Allison a folded, fluffy, lacey, purple dress.

"This is the dress you wore on your fifth birthday."

"My fifth birthday?"

"Yes. I have the shoes somewhere," she reaches into the pile, again. She pulls out a pair of white, patent leather, Mary Jane's.

"There is a huge scuff on them," Allison points out.

"You scuffed them on the tile in the kitchen, when you were putting your finger in the icing on your cake."

"Oh, yeah. I remember how infuriated everyone else was, when they saw the fingerprints. Mom got even angrier, when you started to laugh."

"I couldn't help it. You were five, what did they expect?"

"What else do you have?"

Maura pulls a book out of the pile. She opens it.

"Look, there you are the day you were born."

"I've never seen that picture. Candid pictures are of poor taste, you know. If they aren't posed, awkward, and taken by a professional, they are not worth having."

"I disagree."

"You aren't as staunch as the one and only, Constance Isles."

"You know, she wanted me to name you after her."

"She wanted to name me, Constance?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I guess she wanted the world to have the pleasure of knowing another Constance Isles."

"So why did you name me Allison, instead? Did you name me?"

"Yes, of course I did. You were named before they got to the hospital. She was appalled at the name I chose."

"Allison Paige? What is wrong with that name?"

"It's too plain. She was afraid that you would get called Allie-cat."

"You used to call me Allie-cat. To piss her off?"

"And because you were a cat for Halloween for your second Halloween," she turns the page, "Look there you are. You made such a cute little cat."

"It looks like I was trick-or-treating."

"You were."

"Who took me trick-or-treating?"

"I did."

"I didn't know."

"There you are on your third birthday. And on your fourth. Oh, and there are you are the day you went to boarding school."

"I didn't know that you had all of these pictures."

"We can look at this later."

"What else do you have over there?"

Maura reaches over into the pile. She hands Allison a tiny outfit.

"Is this mine?"

"It's the outfit that you wore home from the hospital. I also have the outfit that you wore for your Christening," Maura pulls out a box.

"What else is over there? What are all of those papers?"

"Drawings, and letters. Your birth certificate."

"My original?"

"Yes."

"Can I see?"

"Of course," Maura pulls the birth certificate out of the pile.

Allison takes it from her. She reads it, and looks at Maura with disappointment.

"Under father it says none."

"I know."

"Why?"

"We all agreed that it would be best, if he never knew."

"Why would you agree to that?"

"Because there you were. You were this perfect, pink, little girl, with red hair, and big blue eyes. You were so tiny. Six pounds fourteen ounces. And, when I looked at all, the only thing I could think, was that I wanted to protect you."

"Oh."

"Would you like to know about him?"

"You'll tell me about him?"

"I don't know much about him. I haven't seen him, since I left boarding school."

"What is his name?"

"Trent Logan."


	9. When You're Gone

Allison stares at Maura. She doesn't say a word. Maura attempts to interpret the look. She had never been good at reading body language, or deciphering signals. That being said, she could always read Allison. Scientifically there was little explanation. She had missed out on most of the girl's life, but... her blood ran through her veins. She had given birth to her, but even before then, the connection was obvious. It was something that could be unsettling at times.

"What do you want to know?" she questions softly.

"I don't need to know."

"It is natural to be curious about where we come from, who we come from."

"What is there to know? My looks, and my brains I get from you."

"It would be ok, if you wanted to meet him, you know."

"Do you know where he is?"

"No, but I am sure that I could find out," Maura offers.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Be honest, did you love him?" Allison probes.

"Love him, no. I wish that I could say that I did. I thought that I did, but... it wasn't love."

"It was lust?"

"If you want to call it that."

"Was he good looking?"

"Very good looking," Maura confirms.

"Smart?"

"Not really."

"Does he even know that I exist?"

"No," Maura shakes her head, in guilt.

"Why are you so ashamed of me?"

"Ashamed of you? Why would you think that?"

"You never tell anyone about me. Why didn't you tell Jane?"

"What do you mean, why didn't I tell her?"

"She's your best friend."

"Yes," Maura admits.

"Her mother lives in your guest house."

"Yes."

"You two are close, so why didn't you tell her?"

"It's complicated."

"No, it's not. It is very simple. You don't want anyone in the world to find out that you are not perfect. What would people think of you, if they found out that you got pregnant at sixteen? That you have a daughter, who you see twice a year. That you are..."

"Stop."

"Why? All of this is true. You could have chosen me, and you never did."

"I..."

"You never even told your ex-husband about me," Allison points out.

"Shh!"

"I suppose that Jane doesn't know about him, either."

"Jane doesn't know a lot of things."

"I wouldn't expect you to tell her everything, but... seriously."

"What do you expect from me?"

"Nothing, I mean, after all, you are your mother's daughter."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You had me, and chose to pursue your own interests, because they were more important."

"That is not true," Maura argues.

"It certainly feels that way. You should know what I am talking about. The feeling that you felt your whole life. Being in a house, where the maid knows more about you, than the people who are supposed to do. When you look up, from your Thanksgiving meal, and find that you're eating with your nanny, because they were stuck overseas, or they had to go to a gallery opening. You hate them, but you're just like them," Allison insists.

Maura allows that a moment to sink in. She nods, "You're right. I am like them. I am not as much like them, as you think, though."

"Really? How do you figure?"

"I would walk through fire for you."

"I don't believe you. You lost my trust, and my respect, a long time ago."

"What can I do, to get them back?"

"Stop trying to be someone you're not. Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to be my friend. I don't need a friend, I have plenty of those. I need a mother. I only have one, and she sucks at it," Allison adds insult to injury.

"I never claimed to be good at it. I did not have a very good role model. It isn't something you learn in a book."

"You learn as you go. You chose to walk away," Allison points out.

"I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere," Maura promises.

"That's good to know."

"Please, help me do better."

"You're asking for help? I didn't know that you actually knew how to say those words."

"I do, and I am. Please help me. Tell me what I can do, to fix this?"

"Find my father," Allison demands.

"I thought that you didn't want to meet him."

"I don't."

"Then why do you want me to find him?"

"It is not a want, it's a need."

"A need? Why do you need to find him?"

"It's complicated."

"What is?"

"Life," Allison answers.

"What specifically, are you referring to?"

"I have..." Allison trails off.

"Questions?" Maura assumes.

"If only."

"What do you mean, if only?"

"Obviously you don't have any family histories, on either side, so..."

"What are you talking about? Is there something wrong with you? Are your allergies getting worse?"

"My allergies are fine. They are the least of my worries right now."

"I've seen you go into anaphylaxis, before. How can they be the least of your worries? You could die."

"Inhaling cockroach dust doesn't happen that often."

"Is there something wrong with you?"

"Maybe, just a little."

"Are we talking mental health issues?"

"Those I get from you," Allison jokes.

"Ha, ha."

"In all seriousness I came here for a reason."

"Your birthday. I forgot about your present," Maura realizes.

"You forgot to get me a present?"

"No. I forgot to give it to you, in all of the chaos," Maura gets up, to go get the present.

"It can wait," Allison insists, pointing to the floor. Maura returns to her seat on the floor.

"What's going on?"

"I came to ask you to find my father."

"Why? You said that you didn't want to get to know him."

"I don't."

"Then why do you want me to find him, for you?"

"Because I need a bone marrow transplant," Allison reveals.


	10. Heaven

She stares at her grown daughter, in disbelief. She wonders, if maybe, she has misheard her. She swallows hard. A lump forms in her throat. Before she can respond she flashes back.

* * *

><p><em>August 31st, 1990<em>

_It's late, and she can't sleep. She pushes off her heavy, thick covers. She slides out of her bed, onto the floor. She wonders out of her bedroom, into the hallway. She tiptoes down the hall. She stops, when she reaches a room, on the other end. She turns the knob, and pushes the door open. She heads to the corner of the room, and flips the lamp on. _

_She stares into the crib, at the sleeping baby girl. She listens for a moment, as she breathes in, and out, in her sleep. Maura reaches in, and scoops her up. The baby doesn't make a sound, as Maura carries her to the chair, in the corner of the room. She takes a seat. She holds the sleeping baby. She stares at the infant's angelic face, as she rocks her. _

_She kisses her forehead. As she rocks her baby daughter, she wonders how her own mother could have made the choice to give her away. She had never really understood. And now, she understood even less. There was no way she could give this child, her child away. She loves her, too much._

* * *

><p>She clears her throat, and looks at the adult, before her. She furrows her brow.<p>

"I think I misheard you," Maura hopes.

"You didn't," Allison admits.

"But..."

"I need a bone marrow transplant," Allison repeats.

"Why?"

"Because I have ALL."

"You are..." Maura trails off, the thought too much to bear.

"I am too young to die, or too old to have ALL?"

"Both, neither. How long have you known?"

"A while."

"Why are you just now telling me?"

"Because you are too busy with your life, to care about mine. You always have been," Allison jabs.

"I am not the only adult in this relationship, anymore."

"No, but you're the only mother," Allison points out.

"Allie, you should have told me."

"When?"

"Anytime."

"What did you want me to do? Call you up, in the middle of the night, out of the blue, with me a crying mess, on the other end, and tell you? What would have happened? It's not as if me needing you would..."

Maura cuts her off, "I don't care where you are in the world, or what you need from me. If you need me, all it takes is one phone call. I will come. Day or night."

"I don't believe you."

"When was the last time that I didn't come, when you called, and said that you needed me?"

"I..." Allison struggles to remember a time.

"When you were eight, and you got stung by a jellyfish when you were at the beach, with your best friend? You called me, and I drove ten hours so that I could be there for you."

"And you left the next afternoon. Being a parent is not a part time job. You're either all in, or you need to step away. You have never been all in."

"I am all in, now."

"I may be an adult, but I still need you."

"I am here for you, whatever you need."

"I need you to find my father."

"I wouldn't know where to start, but I know how to use resources."

"Resources, what resources, Sherlock?"

"Jane. If Jane can't find him, no one can."

"I'm sorry to do this to you."

"Do what to me?" Maura raises an eyebrow.

"Put you through all of this."

"Allison, you blame yourself for things that are not your fault. The bad things that have happened in my life are not my fault."

"Really? Having me didn't change anything?"

"Having you changed everything."

"You didn't get to go to prom, because of me."

"That's ok."

"No, it's not."

"Allison, I have done a lot of things in my life, that I regret, but you are not, nor have you ever been one of them."

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes."

"I..." Allison trails off. She breaks eye contact.

"You what?"

"Nothing," Allison shakes her head.

Maura stands up.

"Are you going somewhere?" Allison wonders.

"No, my leg is just falling asleep."

"Oh," Allison sighs.

"Come on," Maura motions.

Allison stands up. She stops and, looks at Maura, for a minute. She turns, to leave the closet. Maura grabs her arm, gently.

"Come here," Maura insists.

"What?" Allison turns around, and avoids eye contact, in an attempt to hide her tears.

"Come here," Maura reaches for her.

Allison steps closer. Maura hugs her close to her body. Allison buries her head in Maura's shoulder. Maura pushes Allison's hair out of her face, and tucks it behind her ear.

"I'm scared," Allison admits.

"I know," Maura whispers softly, "and that's ok. I'm right here."

"What if we can't find him?"

"We will," Maura promises.

"But..."

Maura let's go. She stares at Allison's tear stained face. She wipes the tears away. She heads for the doorway.

"Come on. Let's get some sleep."

"I don't know if I can."

"Would it help if I let you sleep with me?"

"I am too old to sleep with my..."

"To sleep in bed, with your mom?"

"Yeah."

"It's your birthday, and you're never too old to need me."

Maura turns off the light in the closet. She makes a beeline for her bed. Allison climbs into bed on the other side. Maura lies with her back facing the door, on the far side of the bed. Allison lies on the other side, facing the door. She situates herself under the covers, and places her bare feet against the back of Maura's legs.


	11. This Time

_November 24th, 1994-Thanksgiving-2332_

_Maura is awakened, by the sound of her door creaking, open. She lies perfectly still, and just listens. She listens to the tiny bare feet, tiptoe across the hardwood floor. They stop. She feels someone climb into bed with her. A small child burrows under the covers next to her. She carefully settles into her spot. She rolls onto her side, and places her bare feet against the back of Maura's calves._

_"Are you asleep?" the little one whispers._

_"How could I be asleep, with your cold feet on me?"_

_"Sorry."_

_"Why aren't you wearing socks? They would keep your feet from freezing, you know."_

_"I can't sleep with 'em on. They drive me nuts."_

_Maura rolls over, to face the little girl. _

_"Allie-girl, why are you in my bed?"_

_"Did you know that it's storming?" Allison responds._

_"Yes, I can hear the thunder."_

_"It's too loud in my room."_

_"It's quieter, in here?"_

_"There are shadows in my room," she continues._

_"Oh? They're aren't any shadows in here?"_

_"You're in here."_

_"Allison, if you want to sleep with me, all you have to do is ask."_

_"They don't let me sleep in their bed. They say that it's not..." _

_Maura interrupts her, "It doesn't matter what they say. You can sleep in my bed with me. I don't mind."_

_"They said that I will get too attached, and won't able to sleep in my own bed."_

_"Allison Paige, if you want to stay in this bed you are going to have to go to sleep."_

_"Maura?"_

_"Yes, Allison?" she groans._

_"Why can't you be my mommy, all the time?"_

_Maura stares at Allison's face, or what she can see of it, in the dark. She swallows hard. She doesn't say anything. Allison scoots closer._

_"Maur?"_

_Maura doesn't answer. The four year old touches her cheeks. _

_"Don't cry," Allison insists wiping away her tears, "Why are you crying?"_

_"It's complicated, Allison."_

_"Grown up stuff?" Allison guesses._

_"Yep," Maura manages to squeak out._

_"Night."_

_"Good night, Allison, I love you."_

_"Night, mommy," Allison responds in exhaustion._

_Maura rolls back over, to keep Allison from seeing her cry. Allison rolls back onto her side, and closes her eyes. She plants her cold feet on the backs of Maura's legs._

* * *

><p>After Allison falls asleep, Maura is still wide awake. She slips out of her bed, and makes a phone call. After a five minute conversation she returns to the room, and carefully sneaks back into bed.<p>

When she wakes up, in the morning Allison is no longer in bed with her. She does a double take, when she notices the time on the clock. She takes a deep breath, and stretches, as she gets out of the bed. When she inhales she catches a whiff of bacon. She makes her way to the kitchen. She finds Allison in the kitchen, with Angela.

"Morning," Maura greets.

"I didn't know that you had company," Angela apologizes.

"It's ok."

"You also didn't tell me that you have a sister."

"Sorry."

"I can forgive you. I made breakfast, would you like some?"

"Please," Maura nods.

She takes a seat next to Allison. Angela excuses herself from the kitchen. She leaves the house, and heads back to the guest house. Maura eats her breakfast in silence. Allison sits next to her, sipping a cup of herbal tea.

Someone knocks on the door, as Allison is setting her empty cup in the sink. She lets Jane in, and heads to the bathroom, for a shower. Jane makes her way into the kitchen, with an armful of papers. Maura places her dishes in the sink, as Jane arranges the papers on the island.

"Any luck?" Maura questions.

"Why did you call me so late?"

"I am sorry. I just didn't know what else to do."

"It's ok."

"Do you realize that it's nearly eleven o'clock in the morning?" Jane questions.

"Yes, why?" Maura responds.

"You are still wearing pajamas."

"Late night," Maura reminds.

"I didn't get to sleep until six o'clock this morning, and yet here I am, fully dressed, and ready to go."

"And, you're cranky this morning," Maura comments.

Jane glares at her.

"Can I get you some coffee?"

"That is the least that you can do."

"Ok. So are you going to tell me what you found?"

"I found him."

"Already?"

"Yep."

"Where is he at?"

"He lives in D.C."

"Is he married?"

"No. He was married from nineteen-ninety-nine, to two thousand and one."

"Any children?"

"No. He's spent some time as a chemical engineer. He is now the president, and founder of a company. He invented some industrial strength solvent. His net worth is 97 million."

"This is going to end well."

"Why do you need to find him, so badly?"

"Allison asked me to."

"She's twenty one, and this is the first time she's asked about her father?"

"Yes."

"Why now?"

"She has A-L-L."

"ALL?"

"Acute lymphoblastic leukemia. It is a type of cancer that effects the white blood cells. There are several treatment options, but she is going to require a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately I am not a match. Hopefully he will be."

"And he agrees to donate his marrow?"

"Exactly."

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"Does he even know that she exists?"

"Not yet."


	12. Back To You

Jane walks into Maura's office. She finds Maura checking herself out, in her mirror. She looks up, and sees Jane.

"What do you think? Does this look ok?"

"For what?"

"I am meeting Trent for lunch."

"It looks fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't know," she shrugs, "I'm not sure what you wear to tell someone that you haven't seen in two decades, that you share a full grown child, who is terminally ill."

"Do you think these shoes look ok, with this dress?"

"Maura they're fine."

"Fine? Just fine?"

"They're fabulous?" Jane replies.

"Are you sure?"

"Maura why are you so worried about what you look like? Are you trying to impress him?"

"No, I just want to look nice. He hasn't seen me since we were teenagers."

"Didn't you tutor him in chemistry?" Jane recalls.

"Yes, why?"

"Because he is a chemical engineer. Did you ever consider the possibility that he just played dumb, so that you would tutor him, because he had a crush on you?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Really?"

"I really don't think that he felt that way about me."

"You're kidding right? Are you hearing yourself right now? He just wanted in your pants."

"He was a nice kid."

"Nice? He was a horny teenager, and so were you."

"I was not," Maura bickers.

"What time is your date?"

"It's not a date," Maura replies.

"What time?" Jane repeats.

"Twelve thirty."

"You better go, you don't want to be late."

Maura looks at Jane's watch, which she holds up, for Maura to see. Maura takes a deep breath.

"Wish me luck," Maura responds.

"You're going to need more than luck," Jane responds.

"Bye," Maura waves from the doorway.

"I won't wait up," Jane teases.

Maura arrives at the restaurant, and is greeted by the matron d'.

"Can I help you, Miss?"

"Yes," she nods, "I'm here to meet someone."

"Name?"

"His name is Trent Logan."

"Right this way," he insists.

She follows him to a table. Trent sits at the table, waiting on her. As she approaches he rises, to meet her. He gives her a bear hug. They take their seats, and he smiles from ear to ear.

"Maura, it's so great to see you," he admits.

"You too. You haven't changed a bit," she realizes.

"I don't think I'm quite as scrawny."

She looks at the well-muscled man, with a tan, blonde hair, and blue eyes, "You're not. You look great."

"It's a concerted effort," he reveals, flashing his pearly whites.

"So tell me, what have you been up to, the past twenty, or so years?"

"I went to college."

"Really?"

"I was a chemical engineer."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he nods.

"Did you play dumb, so that I would tutor you, because you had a crush on me?"

"I thought that was obvious," he replies.

"I guess to me it wasn't. Continue, please," Maura smiles.

"I went to college. Started working. I got married, and divorced."

"What happened?"

"She wasn't the right girl."

"I see."

"I have a very specific picture in my head, about the right woman."

"Oh."

"I'm glad that you called," he admits.

"So am I," she smiles.

"It's been too long."

"It has," she agrees.

"I have my own business. I spend a lot of my spare time on my boat, but I am getting to an age where I am ready to settle down. So, what about you? What have you been up to?"

"Well, I'm a medical examiner."

"For Boston?"

She nods, in confirmation.

"That must be interesting work."

"It is."

"Maura, I have something that I have to confess to you."

"What's that?"

"I always thought that you were the girl I was going to marry. I know that seems completely ridiculous. I mean how old were we? Fifteen?"

"Sixteen," she corrects, "I was sixteen."

"Would you like to take a ride on the boat, after lunch?"

"I would love that."

He drops her off, at the house, at one twenty, in the morning.. She tiptoes down the driveway, to the sidewalk. She carries her shoes, as she walks down the sidewalk. She reaches for the door, and fumbles with her keys. She drops the keys, on the ground. When she stands up, from retrieving her keys the door is open. Jane stands in the doorway, with her arms folded over her chest.

"What are you doing here?" Maura questions.

"Waiting on you," she ushers Maura in.

"Oh," Maura comments. Jane closes, and locks the door behind a drunk Maura.

"How was your date?"

"Great," Maura admits.

"I'd say. You were gone for over twelve hours."

"He has a yacht."

"Does he?"

"We went for a ride."

Jane sniffs her. She furrows her brow.

"What?" Maura inquires.

"You smell like alcohol."

"I had a little bit to drink."

"A little bit?"

"A lot, a bit," Maura giggles.

"Too much," Jane studies her friend, "Maura where are your pantyhose?"

"Um, I must have lost them," she reveals.

Jane looks at her hair, and notices that her dress is wrinkled, "Maura, did you sleep with him?"

"That is not any of your business."

"Maura you were supposed to tell him about Allison, remember. You did tell him, about Allison, didn't you?"

"Not yet."

"Not yet? Maura time is of the essence. When are you going to see him, again?"

"Tomorrow. We're going on another date. He thinks that we are soul mates. Isn't that funny?"

"Bed," Jane responds, sternly. She guides Maura to her room.


	13. One Night Love Affair

She's sitting on the couch, in his hotel suite. His tongue is down her throat, when her phone starts ringing. She takes a look at the phone, and silences it. He comes up for air.

"Someone important. If it is, then just answer it. Is it work?"

"No. It's not."

Her phone rings again.

"You should probably answer," he suggests.

"It's fine. I am just out past curfew."

"Curfew. It's only eleven o'clock," he looks at his watch, "Besides, who imposes your curfew?"

Before she can answer her phone is ringing again. She silences it, again.

"Who is it? Your husband?" he inquires.

"No, I'm not married," she reminds him.

"Your boyfriend?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Girlfriend?"

"No."

"Your partner? The one that you were telling me about?"

"No, it was Allison."

"Allison? Who is Allison?"

Before she can filter the thought, the words spill out of her mouth, "She's my daughter."

"Your daughter? I didn't know that you had a daughter. You didn't mention her."

"Oh, I must have forgotten. I meant to tell you, it's just... you are very good at distracting me."

"I'd like to meet her."

"I don't know if we're there yet."

"Maura, I am serious about what I said yesterday. We're soul mates. You are the woman I've been waiting for, all these years. I want to be in your life. I want to meet your daughter."

"I am not sure if she is willing to meet you."

Her phone buzzes, again. She silences it, again.

"How old is she?" he quizzes.

She looks at her phone, as she turns it on to silent.

"Maura?"

"Huh?"

"How old is she? Obviously she is old enough to use a telephone. Six? Seven?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Ten?"

"No."

"Twelve?"

"Nope."

"Maura, how old is your daughter?"

Her phone lights up, again. "Can you hold on to that thought? It's Allison again. It must be something important."

"Ok," he agrees.

"Hello?" she answers her phone.

"Why haven't you been answering me?"

"Jane? Why are you calling me on Allison's phone?"

"Mine is dead."

"Why are you with Allison?"

"Because she isn't feeling good. We're in the hospital. She wants you to get over here. She needs you, Maura."

"The hospital, why? What's going on?"

"She started having a nosebleed, about an hour ago. She couldn't get it to stop. Then it started coming out of both nostrils. They have her hooked up to an I.V., and they're transfusing her, right now."

"Ok. Give me a few minutes, I'm on my way," she promises. She hangs up, and looks at Trent.

"Something wrong?" he wonders.

"Yes. Allison is in the hospital. I have to go meet her there."

"What's wrong?"

"It's a nosebleed. She's lost a lot of blood, and they had to give her a transfusion."

"That sounds pretty serious. Does that happen a lot?"

"No, why?"

"No reason," he pushes the thought from his mind.

"Why?"

"I had a sister, who died of A-L-L. One of the first things we saw with her, was uncontrollable nosebleeds. How old is she?"

"I wish I had known that earlier."

"Earlier? Why?"

"I could have been prepared."

"Prepared, I don't understand."

"Look, I'll explain later. I've got to go to the hospital."

"Wait, I want to go with you," he offers.

"No. Now is not a good time to meet her."

"You think me being there will upset her?"

"Yes," Maura nods.

"Why?"

She stops, at the door. Her hand rests on the door handle. She pulls the door open. She shakes her head.

"Because she's twenty-one," she replies, walking out the door.

As she walks out the door, she doesn't turn, to look back. She rides the elevator alone, in silence. She walks to her car. As she turns the engine on, it hits her, like a ton of bricks. The engine hums. The car remains in park. She doesn't turn, to put her seatbelt on. She leans forward. She places her head against the steering wheel. For the first time, in a long time she feels it all.

The tears trail down her face. A life, full of mistakes. Giving in, when she needed to fight. Holding on to all the wrong things. Fighting for dreams that had never been her own. She had come to be defined by her job. The truth was, she was. She had allowed it to become who she was. She didn't deserve a second chance.

She takes a deep breath, and leans back, in her seat. She looks at her purse, on the seat next to her. She reaches for her phone. She knocks the purse onto the floor. The contents spill all over the place. She reaches down, trying to clean up her mess. She stops cold, she reaches her wallet. She opens the wallet, and flips to the back. She stares at a two by two picture. She stares at the picture, in silence.

The smiling face, of a girl, of six stares back at her. A little girl, with her smile, and her laugh. There was no denying she had screwed up. She had never been the mother that her daughter needed. And now... she might not get the chance to fix it. The thought of losing that... she shakes the thought. She places the picture back inside of her wallet. She wipes her eyes, and puts the car into drive.


	14. Everything I Do

It's late, and she feels herself fighting sleep. She lies in a hospital bed, next to her daughter. She pets the sleeping girl's hair, as she sleeps. She breathes in, and out. The phone in her pocket begins to vibrate. She carefully slides out of the bed. She tiptoes out of the room, into the hallway.

"Isles," she answers.

"Can we talk?" the voice on the other end responds.

"Trent, it's late."

"I know that. I think that we should talk."

"We should, but not now."

"I..."

"I will explain, but not now. Can you just give me some time, please."

"Maura, I understand that you have a lot going on, but you can't just leave like that."

"I need to be here."

"I'll meet you there."

"No. Don't come," she insists.

"I have a lot of questions."

"I have answers, but not tonight."

"Please, I want to talk to you. I want to see you again. Regardless of the past, or things that you failed to mention, I still the same about you."

"Trent, now is not the time."

"Please, just meet me for breakfast. If you don't want to see me after then, it's up to you."

"I..."

"I'll see you at nine. I'll send a car to the hospital, to pick you up. I assume that you are still there," he continues.

"I am."

"Try and get some sleep, Maura."

"Not likely," she admits.

"Just try. I'll see you in the morning."

"But..."

"Don't argue."

"Ok," she concedes.

"Goodnight Maura."

She hangs up the phone, and tiptoes back into the room. She situates herself on the fold out couch. She closes her eyes, expecting a sleepless night. Hours later her phone brings her back to consciousness. She pulls the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

"The car is waiting for you downstairs," a voice informs her.

"I'll be right down," she replies.

"Ok."

She hangs up. She sits up, and looks around the room. Allison sits in the bed, reading a magazine. Maura rubs her eyes.

"Prince Charming?" Allison guesses.

"I have to take care of something. I will be back in an hour."

"It's fine, go. I'm getting discharged soon, anyway."

"Are you sure that you'll be ok?"

"I'll be fine," she promises.

"Ok. I'll be back in an hour."

"Have fun."

Ten minutes later Maura finds herself at a diner. She walks in, and finds Trent waiting at a booth for her. She takes a seat, across the table from him.

"I ordered some coffee for you."

"Thanks."

"So..."

"So?"

"About what you said, last night," he begins.

"About my daughter?"

"You really have a daughter?"

"Yes," Maura confirms.

"Why didn't you mention it sooner?"

"I guess that I didn't want you to know."

"Because?"

"Because I didn't," she answers.

"I see. And she's..." he trails off.

"She's twenty one. She just had a birthday."

"Twenty one. That means you had her when you were..." he begins to calculate.

"Don't do the math," she warns.

"Young," he responds.

"Yes," she confirms.

"Did you raise her?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I wish that I could say that I did, because she turned out amazingly, but I can't. I had very little to do with it. I just gave birth to her."

"Who raised her?"

"My parents raised her as my sister."

"I never knew that you had a sister."

"Because I didn't."

"Right," he nods.

"So are you going to ask?"

"Ask what?" he plays coy.

"The question I know that you're dying to ask."

"Who is her father? Anyone I know?" he quizzes.

"Yes," she nods.

"Yes? How well do I know him?"

"I would say that you know him pretty well."

"Oh?"

"Are you going to ask? If you don't want to know..."

He cuts her off, "Is she my daughter?"

"Do you want her to be?" Maura responds.

"I don't know anything about her."

"Do you want to be?" she repeats.

"Is she my daughter? Just tell me, Maura."

"Yes," she confirms.

"Oh," he stares at his half empty cup of coffee.

"She is your daughter."

"Can I meet her?" he wonders, looking up from his cup, meeting her glance.

"I don't know if she wants to meet you."

"She isn't curious?"

"Not particularly."

"Oh," he returns his focus to his cup, in disappointment.

"I'll talk to her."

"Can I ask you something?"

Maura nods.

"Why did you track me down, after all of these years? It wasn't just to catch up, was it?"

"No. I had ulterior motives," she admits.

"Like what?"

"Allison asked me to. She has A-L-L. She needs a bone marrow transplant, and she's hoping that you're a match."

"I see."

"I know, it's a lot to take in, especially all at once. I should have been more up front."

"Was any of it real?" he inquires.

"Was what real?"

"Any of this?"

"I wasn't faking anything," she reveals.


	15. I Do It For You

"We should go."

"Go? Go where?"

"To the hospital. I don't want to waste anytime. I'll get tested now. If I'm a match," he begins to ramble.

She looks up at him. He stops. He looks into her eyes, and smiles. He reaches for her hand. He squeezes it.

"Everything is going to be ok, Maura," he promises it.

"You don't know that."

"You're worried?"

"For selfish reasons," she admits.

"Tell me about it," he insists.

"If something happens to her... it will be my fault."

"No," he shakes his head.

"I'll never get the chance to try and fix it."

"Fix what?"

"The mess I've made. I was never a mother to her. My best friend didn't even know about her. I never told anyone, until the other day. I failed as a parent. I made every possible mistake. I know that I can never get back the time that I lost, but I just hoped that I could have a second chance, with her. A chance, to make everything right."

"Don't give up so soon."

"You said that your sister died."

"It was a long time ago. Things are different now. We'll do whatever we have to, to save her."

"And if it's not enough?"

"We'll do more."

"And if we can't?"

"We will," he promises.

"Are you sure about this? I just dropped a bomb on you, and..."

"I always wondered why you disappeared. I wondered if I had done something, to make you never want to speak to me again. There was always this nagging feeling, that told me I was the reason you left."

"You were," she admits.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" she questions.

"Taking advantage of you."

"Taking advantage of me? You didn't," she reassures him.

"You..."

She cuts him off, "I assure you, that you didn't make me do anything, that I didn't want to."

"I got you pregnant. I ruined your life."

She shakes her head, "No. You didn't," she chuckles.

"What? What's so funny?"

"You sound like Allison."

"How?"

"She thinks that she ruined my life, too."

"Did she?"

"No."

"What's she like?" he wonders.

"A moody college student."

"Ah, I see."

"I should really get back to her," she checks her watch.

"I want to go with you. I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Ok," she agrees.

Maura walks into Allison's room. She waits for her to come out of the bathroom. When she comes out of the bathroom, she's fully dressed in street clothes.

"Good, you're just in time to take me home."

"You're getting discharged?"

"Yep."

"Allison, have a seat," Maura instructs.

Allison takes a seat on the bed.

"What?" she questions.

"He wants to meet you."

"Who?"

"Trent."

"Excuse me?" Allison raises an eyebrow.

"I told him about you."

"I don't want to meet him."

"He's downstairs, right now, getting tested."

"I don't think that I want to meet him."

"Please," Maura begs.

"Why should I?"

"Because he would like to meet you."

"You're so naive."

"Naive?"

"He doesn't care anything about me. He just wants in your pants. He's feigning interest, to gain your trust, and affection."

"When did you become such a cynic?"

"I'm serious."

"I am not naive. That is not why he wants to meet you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Maura lies.

"I don't think that it's a good idea."

"What harm does it do?"

"It will cause irreparable damages."

"It will not."

"I don't want to meet him."

"That's too bad."

"Why?"

"Because I told him that he could come meet you."

"I did not agree to that."

"He's your father," Maura points out.

"No. He's not. That title has to be earned."

"Really? So what does that make me?"

"Maura."

"Maura? Really, that's it."

"Maura Isles, Medical Examiner."

"Is that really how you feel?"

"You're going to have to do a lot of work, if you want to earn any other titles."

"Ok. Tell me what I have to do."

"First of all," Allison trails off, abruptly.

Maura follows her line of sight. Her eyes fall on a tall, muscular man, standing in the door way. She smiles at him. He stands, frozen, in the doorway. He doesn't say a word. Allison stares at him. She looks at him, and then to Maura. Maura simply nods in confirmation. Allison redirects her attention to the figure in her doorway. He stares her. He grins, from ear to ear. Finally, he breaks the silence.

"May I come in?"

"Slowly," Allison agrees reluctantly.

He stops, when he reaches the end of her bed. He reaches out his hand.

"Hi, Allison, I'm Trent Logan."

She shakes his hand. "I know who you are," she replies coldly.

"If you'd like for me to go, I can. I just thought that since I was here, I would stop in, and meet you."

"That was unnecessary. I did not need to meet you."

"Allison," Maura hisses.

"It's true, I didn't. I am not looking for a father. I am not looking for prince charming. I am not looking for anything, but a donor. And, I do not need to meet my donor. I prefer that he, or she be completely anonymous."

"I'll leave, then."


	16. Harsh Words

Trent leaves the room. Maura turns, and looks at Allison, in disappointment.

"That was rude."

"I'm sorry. Next time I will try to be more polite to my sperm donor."

"Why are you being so awful?"

"Excuse me?"

"I have done everything I can to try to make this work. I am trying, and nothing I do is good enough for you. Why is that?"

"I'm still angry, with you," Allison admits.

"You can't hold on to that, forever. I know that I have made mistakes, a lot of them, but at some point you have to forgive me."

"I don't _have_ to do anything."

"Why are you so bitter?"

"Wouldn't you be too?"

"Allison, I can't do this."

"So what are you going to do? Are you just going to walk away, like you always do?"

"You are pushing me away. You have been doing this, for years. I try to get close, and you push me away. Why? What are you so afraid of?"

"I am not afraid of anything," Allison lies.

"Really?"

"I do not want to get attached to you."

"What? That is the most ridiculous thing I have heard you say, thus far."

"I'm sorry, but it's true."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you're good at leaving. I don't want to get attached to you, just to have you walk away, again. You always find something, or someone else, to shower your attention on."

"Why are you acting like you are eleven years old?"

"I'm sorry, but I think that I have a right to be angry."

"You do, but I'm not the only one that you're angry at, am I?"

"I..."

"I have always done whatever you asked me to."

"That's what you're supposed to do."

"I know. I am your mother."

"Why is that so hard for you to say? Why are you so ashamed of me?"

"We have been over this, a million times. I am not ashamed of you. I am ashamed of the choices that I made."

"To get me. That is the same as saying that you are ashamed of me."

"No," Maura argues, "it's not. Not at all."

"How do you figure?"

"I was a young, naive, teenaged girl. That being said, I should have known better. I was sixteen, when I got pregnant with you. That is nothing to be proud of. I love you, more than you even know, but..."

"See, there is always a but."

"I love you no matter what," Maura clarifies.

"But?"

"No but. I just wish that I had been able to have you, under different circumstances. I wish that I had been older, that i had been ready to have you, and raise you, but I wasn't. I am not ashamed of you. I have never been ashamed of you. I am ashamed of myself."

"Why? Girls get pregnant at sixteen all the time."

"That doesn't make it ok. I wasn't ready. Because I wasn't ready, you had to deal with situations, that you never should have had to deal with."

"Why are you ashamed of yourself?"

"Because I was young, but I made that an excuse. I made it an excuse as to why, I couldn't be your mother. I could have raised you, I could have figured out a way, but I didn't. I didn't give you what you needed the most, and that is what I am ashamed of."

"You were just a kid."

"I was old enough to make you," Maura points out.

"Sometimes I wonder why you even had me."

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't I have you?"

"You were sixteen. You were pregnant, with a baby, that you didn't want, and couldn't take care of. Why did you have me? Why didn't you choose..."

Maura cuts her off, "I did want you."

"I don't believe that."

"Why not?"

"You had to be scared out of your mind."

"I was, but that doesn't mean that I didn't want you."

"You could have chosen not to have me, and no one would have ever known."

"I would have known," Maura responds.

"No one else would have. You're a doctor, don't you believe that it's a woman's right to choose?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why didn't you make that choice?"

"Every woman has the right to choose that, if she wants. That is not what I wanted."

"You could have gotten to do all the things that everyone else your age did. You wouldn't have had to miss out."

"Allison, I don't know if you've noticed, but I've never been like my peers."

"I know, and it can be incredibly annoying."

"One day, you will understand."

"When?"

"When you have a child of your own."

"I do not think that I will ever understand how you could have chosen to let them raise me. They weren't any good at being your parents, why would you think they would do a better job with me?"

"First of all, people can change. Second of all, I thought that it was the best thing that I could do for you."

"Give me to a couple who is cold, and emotionally distant?"

"People who could provide for you," Maura answers.

"I would have rather lived in poverty," Allison admits.

"You don't mean that."

"I do."

"Why?"

"Growing up, all I ever wanted, was you. I just wanted you to love me. And I never felt that."

"I did love you."

"You should have tried harder."

"The past is the past. One day you will understand that."

"Understand what?"

"Having a child, that you are responsible for, that you would do anything you could, for. Your own flesh, and blood. You make decisions because you think that they are right. They won't always be, but you do your best. Sometimes your best won't be good enough. Sometimes you will be wrong."

Allison chokes up, she furrows her brow, and tries to look away, as the tears start to form, as she makes the realization, "I will probably never have that chance."


	17. Angry Phone Calls

"Why would you say that?" Maura moves over to the bed. She takes a seat, on the bed, next to Allison. She grabs her hand. She holds Allison's hand, as she cries.

"I should have told you sooner," Allison answers.

Maura's eyes meet hers. She tucks a stray hair behind Allison's ear. Maura swallows hard.

"How long have you known?"

"I tried to ignore the signs. I tried to pretend that nothing was wrong. I waited too long. I..."

"We'll get through this," Maura promises.

"I'm not so sure. Did you see the x-rays?"

"What x-rays?"

"The ones that they did yesterday?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"You should look at them."

"What did your doctor say?"

"That it's back, worse than before."

"What do you mean, 'it's back,'?"

"I relapsed."

"Relapsed? That would mean..." Maura trails off.

"I was originally diagnosed when I was seventeen. I had treatment, and I thought that everything would be ok. They got it all."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't."

"Did they know?"

"Yes. I begged them not to tell you."

"That is why your hair was so short?"

"Yes," Allison nods, "I don't want to go through that again."

Maura hugs her closely. She pets Allison's long locks. She feels the tears trickling down her face. She lets go. She wipes the tears off of Allison's face. She forces herself to smile, at her daughter, through the tears.

"I'll be right back. I need to make a phone call, ok?"

"Ok," Allison nods.

Maura steps outside the room. She closes the door behind her, and leans against the wall. She pulls out her phone, and dials, furiously.

"Hello?" a voice on the other end, finally answers.

"What is going on?"

"Who is this?" the voice asks.

"This is Maura," Maura rolls her eyes.

"What do you mean, Maura?"

"Allison came to see me," Maura adds.

"Ok, and? Am I supposed to be surprised? She prefers spending her birthdays with you."

"That is not what I am talking about."

"I do not have any clue what you are talking about."

"Her ALL."

Constance doesn't respond.

"Hello? Are you still there?" Maura wonders.

"Yes, I'm still here. What were you saying?"

"Did you know?"

"Yes, I knew about the ALL. She begged me not to tell you."

"She's my daughter, and she was a minor."

"Legally, she is not your daughter," Constance reminds.

"I gave birth to her, she is my daughter," Maura rages.

"I am sorry. I should have told you. Why are you bringing this up? It was four years ago."

"Where were you? Were you with her, when she had her treatments?"

"No."

"No? Why not?"

"She is an independent girl, she doesn't need me."

"Did you ask her?"

"No."

"So you just assumed?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't think that she might need somebody?"

"I don't know."

"You should have called."

"I understand that you are angry, but it was four years ago, there is nothing I can do about it now."

"It's back," Maura responds.

"Oh."

"You honestly expect me to believe that you didn't know?"

"No, I didn't know. I had no idea. She rarely tells me anything. She's closer to you, she always has been. Is she alright?"

"No, she is not alright."

"Send her my love. I would love to talk about this some more, but I have some things that I need to attend to."

"Whoa! No. We're not done."

"Maura I am busy."

"She might die. Do you realize that? It's worse now than it was before. If we don't find her a donor, then she could die. And, you're too busy to be bothered? It is no wonder she is so angry, and resentful. You have never been there for her. You were supposed to be her mother, and you are too busy doing anything else, to be bothered, with her."

"I was done raising my child. You were raised."

"I was seventeen."

"You were raised. I did not want another child. One was enough. You were enough."

"I was more than you could handle?"

"I thought that it was best that you were an only child. I am not very good at being a mother, I can admit that. Then you had Allison, and your father... he always caves. He didn't want to see you get hurt."

"Where were you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Where were you, when I got pregnant? Where were you, when I was in the hospital having a baby, by myself? I was scared, and alone, and you were never there. You were never there for her, either. She has been alone her whole life."

"That is not my fault. You had her. You wanted her."

"You agreed to raise her."

"Maura I don't want to argue about this, any longer. You are giving me a headache."

"Good."

"I'll talk to you later."

"I expect that you will be on the next plane to Boston, from wherever you are."

"Or what?"

"Or don't expect to ever hear from me, again."

Constance hangs up, on that note.

Maura slips the phone back, into her pocket, she walks back into Allison's room. Before she can say, or do anything, her phone is ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Maura, it's Jane."

"What's going on?"

"Is Allison leaving the hospital, soon?"

"Yes, why?"

"Good, then you can take care of this."

"Take care of what?"

"My mother is going crazy."

"She's your mother. Why is it my job?"

"She broke out the calculator, and she's asking me all of these questions. I don't know what to say to her. What do you want me to tell her?"

"Don't tell her anything, I'll be home soon."


	18. One Of These Days

When Maura walks in the door, Angela is waiting. She stands in the kitchen, staring at a boiling pot. Allison grabs her bag, and heads into the guest bedroom. Maura approaches Angela, slowly. Maura takes a seat, on the counter. She allows her heels to drop to the floor, so as not to scuff the cabinet. Angela glances at her.

"Are you giving me the cold shoulder?"

"Jane ran out of here like a bat out of Hell."

"She was ready to break," Maura reveals.

"Break? I was just asking her a few questions."

"What questions?"

"Ah, nothing."

"Angela, if there is something that you'd like to know, you should just ask."

"Allison is how much younger than you are?"

"Seventeen years."

"You are supposed to be biologically unrelated, yet you two nearly look identical. You really expect me to believe that she's adopted? You want me to believe, that she's your sister?"

"What do you believe?"

"Is she your daughter?"

Maura stares at the woman, for several moments, in silence. Angela had been like a mother to her, and the thought of disappointing her, makes Maura's stomach turn.

"I am sorry that I lied to you. It was wrong of me to do that. I just didn't know if you would understand. It's not an easy subject, to talk about."

"So she is?"

"Yes," Maura nods.

"Why wouldn't you just tell me that?"

"I didn't want you to think less of you."

"Why would I?"

"I was seventeen when she was born."

"Maura, we were all young, once. All of us, at one point, or another have made stupid choices, naive choices."

"I chose to allow my parents to raise her."

"You were a kid."

"I should have taken responsibility. She was, is my daughter."

"Why is this just coming out, now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen her before."

"We're not that close. She despises me, most of the time."

"Then why is she here, now?"

"She came for her birthday."

"And hasn't left yet?"

"She's sick. It's a form of leukemia."

"Poor girl."

Maura's hazel eyes plead with Angela, "Tell me what to do," she begs.

"You are asking me for advice?"

"You are the best mother, I know. What do I do? What can I do to make her like me?"

"No, Maura, you have it all wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"You're her parent, not her friend. You don't need her to like you. Do you think that Jane likes me? Most of the time she is so annoyed by me, that she could strangle me. A mother's job is not simple. You are responsible for loving them unconditionally, that is probably the most difficult, because children can be trying, at times. You have to love them anyway. Love their strengths, and love their faults. You have to embarrass them, at least a few times, in their lives, that is to build character. But, if you want respect, then you have to earn it. You have to connect with her."

"How do I do that? I spend my days, dealing with the dead."

"What do the two of you have in common?"

"I..." Maura trails off.

"Start small," Angela suggests.

"Like what?"

"It's not about the money you spend, it's the time. It doesn't have to be elaborate. Keep it simple."

"Like what?"

"Rent her favorite movie, and order her favorite takeout. With Jane, I would always make her special cookies."

"Special how?"

"They weren't special, they were Toll House. When she was small, I made her cookies from scratch. She ate them, but it wasn't the same. She was about, twenty six, when I started buying slice and bakes. She eats half of them before they get into the oven."

"How is that special?" Maura raises an eyebrow.

"Because it's something that we do together."

"What else?" Maura queries.

"You'll think of something."

"I don't know how much time I have."

Angela smiles, she tosses the dishtowel over her shoulder, and wipes her hands on it. "None of us do."

"But..."

"What about her father?"

"I just told him."

"She's met him?"

"Yes."

"How did that go?"

"It did not go over well with her. He's a genuinely nice person, and he wants to get to know you."

"Did you ever consider the fact that she might be jealous."

"Jealous, of what?"

"That you're paying attention to him. That you spend time with him, when you could be spending time with her. She may be an adult, but in ways she's still a child. She probably doesn't understand why you would want to spend time with someone who she feels abandoned you."

"He didn't even know."

"Forgiveness is something that comes much later, in life. Do you remember what you were like, when you were her age?"

"No one could convince me that I was wrong."

"You're still that way," Angela jokes.

"I guess that I'm the one who has to make the effort," Mauraa concludes.

"She may be an adult, but you will always be the mother, and she will always be your daughter," Angela points out.

"You're right."


	19. Suspicious

Jane watches as Maura pushes her salad around her plate. Jane clears her throat, but Maura doesn't notice.

"Are you ok?"

Maura looks up at her, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You have been mope-y since Allison left."

"I'm fine. She needed to go back to school. She was here for two weeks."

"She left a month ago," Jane points out.

"I know."

"Have you heard from her?"

"Yes, I talked to her this morning."

"Did she get on the list?"

"Yes. I can't believe that Trent wasn't a match."

"Speaking of Trent, where is he? I haven't heard you say anything about him, for two days."

"He's out of town."

"And he didn't take you with him?"

"He offered."

"Why didn't you go?"

"Because I am trying to go slow."

"Slow? Why? You're the mother of his child."

"There are still a lot of things that I don't know about him. We're taking our time, and reconnecting."

"So did you tell him what Allison's doctor suggested?"

"Which suggestion are you referring to?"

"You know the one, Maura."

"Jane, didn't you read that book?"

"I saw the movie," Jane admits.

"Really? I never pictured you as a Cameron Diaz fan."

"I'm not, but my mother made me watch it."

"I am not having another child, so I can have spare parts for the first one."

"When you put it like that..." Jane begins.

"It sounds exactly like what it is," Maura points out.

"Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"You haven't been yourself lately."

"I'm just tired, that's all."

"Tired? I can't imagine why. A hot new love interest, and..."

"And what?"

"Nothing," Jane lies.

"I'm usually not this tired."

"You're not getting sick are you?" Jane inquires.

"No, I don't think so. I think that..."

"You're sad?"

"Sad, why would I be sad?"

"Your daughter left, and went back to school. You miss her, and you're worried about her. You should go see her, this weekend."

"She doesn't want me to."

"You could surprise her. It would be fun."

"She might have plans."

"She might not. You'll never know, if you don't ask."

"I don't want to..."

"You're her mother, it's your job to interrupt her plans, and completely embarrass her."

"I don't really feel like going anywhere."

Jane rolls her eyes. She takes a sip of her drink. She looks at Maura. She tilts her head, and scrutinizes Maura, for a moment. Maura notices Jane studying her.

"What?" Maura wonders.

"Are you pregnant?"

"Excuse me?"You heard me," Jane answers.

"Why would you ask me that?"

"You've got a hot new boyfriend, old boyfriend, a rekindled romance. Anyway, whatever it is, you two..."

"Just stop," Maura implores.

"And now you're tired, and..."

"I am allowed to be tired. I work a lot."

"Not anymore than usual."

"I am not pregnant. I cannot even believe you would ask me that, in the middle of public venue."

Jane looks around the bar. The TV is blasting, other patrons are talking loudly, or chewing. Nobody is even looking in their direction.

"Really?"

"Everybody knows me here."

"You're either pregnant, or depressed, take your pick."

"I am neither."

"Come on," Jane insists.

"Where are we going?"

"Just come on," Jane demands.

They pay their bill, and Maura follows Jane out. Jane pushes her into the car. Maura pulls on her seat belt, as Jane climbs into the driver's seat.

"Where are we going?"

"The drug store," Jane answers, putting the car into drive. Maura rolls her eyes.

Twenty five minutes later they're at Maura's house. Jane stands outside of Maura's bathroom. She leans up against the wall, waiting for Maura to come out. The door swings open.

"Well?"

"It takes five minutes," Maura reveals.

"Oh."

"I can't believe that you're making me do this. You are being completely ridiculous."

"Me? I am the one being ridiculous? I'm not the one who insisted on coming all the way here to take the stupid test. I am also not the one who insisted on making me take one, to make sure that yours is accurate. I mean, you're being crazy Maura."

"I don't want to take it at work," Maura points out.

"What does it matter? You don't think your pregnant."

"I don't want someone to see the test, and think that I think I am."

"That doesn't sound crazy at all. Not to mention, making me take one."

"If I have to take one, you should too. I don't think that it is more unreasonable, on your part, than it is mine."

"Do you ever listen to yourself talk?" Jane questions.

"I'm too busy listening to you, being ridiculous."

"What are you going to tell my mother?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"She lives here. You think that you're going to be able to keep it from her?"

"It doesn't matter, I'm not pregnant."

Jane shakes her head, she points to the bathroom, "Go!"


	20. Same Mistakes

He watches Maura, as she stares blankly, at her plate. Obviously, there is something else on her mind. He clears his throat, but she doesn't seem to notice. She seems preoccupied.

"Maura?" he says softly.

Finally she looks up, "I'm sorry were you saying something?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Why are you being so quiet tonight?" he wonders.

"I'm just tired," she admits.

"Are you sure that is it?"

"Trent, I'm just tired."

He smiles, "Something wrong with your salad?"

"No."

"You're not hungry?"

"Not particularly."

"What gives?"

"Nothing."

"Tough case, at work?" he quizzes.

"Yes," she lies.

"Then let's get you home, and get you to bed, ok?"

"I don't want to..."

"Come on," he insists.

"But I really want to spend some time with you."

"We can see each other tomorrow."

"Ok," she agrees.

"How is our girl?"

Maura simply shrugs.

Hours later she lies in bed, attempting to sleep. She tosses and turns, until she finds herself twisted in the sheet. She manages to free herself, and reaches for the phone. She dials a familiar number.

"Hello?" the party on the other line answers after two rings.

"I'm sorry to wake you up so late."

"I figured that you would be calling. How was your date with Trent?"

"Jane?"

"Yes, Maura?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"Something you want to ask me?"

"It's too late."

"What do you mean, it's too late?"

"At night," Maura clarifies.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"It can wait until morning."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Jane..."

"Yes?"

"Am I crazy..."

"Yes," Jane answers before Maura can finish her thought.

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"You are crazy, the rest is unimportant."

"Do you think I should tell Allison?"

"You'll have to tell her, eventually."

"First," Maura responds.

"No. Why would you do that?"

"I think that..."

"That what?"

"Would it be selfish if..."

"Yes, it would."

"Would you stop interrupting me?"

"Maura, what's going on?"

"I think that I am in love with him."

"So?"

"I..."

"You're scared?"

"I screwed everything up, before. I feel like I am going to repeat the same mistakes."

"Just slow down," Jane suggests.

"I can't," Maura argues.

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"You have to slow down. You have to take a step back, and figure out what you really want. You aren't a kid anymore."

"I am afraid that he is going to decide that this is all too much for him."

"Let him make that decision."

"I..."

"It sounds to me, like you're the one who wants to run away, scared."

"Maybe I do."

"Maybe it's time to grow up. Maura I know how tough all of this has been on you. I know that you have a lot on your plate. I know this is not how you pictured things to go. I know that you're confused. That being said, I also know that you can handle this."

"What if I don't want to?"

"What are you going to do? Are you going to run away? Where are you going to go? You can't run away from this, you know that, right?"

"I know."

"So then why are you trying?"

"Why does everything have to happen at once? Why does everything have to be so damn hard?"

"That's life Maura."

"Well, I want a new one."

"What is wrong with your life?"

"Everything."

"Maura, we'll talk about this in the morning."

"But..."

"You need to get some sleep."

"I don't think that I can."

"Drink a cup of chamomile tea, and go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Ok," Maura agrees, as Jane hangs up.


	21. Good News?

She follows Jane's advice, but sleep doesn't come. Instead she endures nearly two more hours of tossing and turning, before finally making a decision. She flips on the lamp, and studies the clock. It's far too late to be calling anyone, but she decides she has no choice. She reaches for her phone. The party on the other end answers after two rings.

"Is something wrong?" is the first question she asks.

"No, why would you think that?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because it is three thirty in the morning, and I was dead asleep. You wouldn't call me unless you had a reason."

"It could be good news," Maura offers.

"Could be."

"Maybe I was just calling to check in."

"At this time of night?"

"Technically..."

"I know, technically it's morning. However, by my own personal definition of morning is after the sun rises."

"Should I call back then?"

"No, I'm awake now."

"How are you?"

"That's why you called? To see how I am? I'll keep that in mind next time I want to talk to you. I'll wait until three or four in the morning to call."

"I'm your mother, and that is my prerogative."

"Please just tell me why you're calling, so that I can go back to sleep."

"I can't sleep."

"Maura that is not my problem."

"Allison, you are the reason that I can't sleep."

"Sounds like a personal problem. One that does not require my attention, at this time. So, I am going to hang up, now."

"No, wait," Maura begs.

"Then spit it out," Allison suggests.

"First off, I'm worried about you."

"This isn't a whole speech, is it?"

"No."

"Ok, then continue."

"I'm worried about you. I would feel better if you were closer."

"I'm not that far away."

"You are too far away."

"What's really eating at you?"

"Why do you..."

"You wouldn't wake me up in the middle of the night, just because you're worried about me. You know that I'm a bear when someone wakes me up."

"I have some news."

"You and my sperm donor are going to get married, or something nonsensical?"

"Why is that nonsensical?"

"Because the two of you are complete opposites, with very little in common."

"We love science, and you."

"That is not enough," Allison points out.

"That is not my news, anyway."

"Oh, ok."

"Maybe you should guess."

"Really? You want me to guess?"

"Yes," Maura insists.

"I'm too tired to play games."

"Please," Maura begs.

"You're moving?"

"No."

"You have decided that you have very little in common with my sperm donor, and you will no longer be seeing him?"

"Why don't you like him?"

"Aside from the obvious?"

"Yes."

"It's not that I don't like him, necessarily, it's just that I don't know him."

"And whose fault is that?"

"It is not entirely my fault. Other parties share blame, in that."

"Yes, I agree."

"I don't like him, because I don't think that he's good enough for you."

"Why not?"

"He's too good to be true."

"Too good to be true? What does that mean?"

"Are you that naive?"

"Excuse me?"

"How do you know that he's not just telling you what you want to hear, to get into your pants?"

"Allison! That is an inappropriate question."

"But a valid one. One that I'd like an answer to."

"No," Maura disagrees.

"I mean how do you really know? I mean, he's done it before. If he hadn't, I wouldn't be here."

"It's not like that."

"How do you know that everything he says is true?"

"Why would he lie?"

"You're a catch," Allison points out.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Neither do I. Can I go back to sleep now?"

"No."

"Then are you going to tell me why you called at such an ungodly hour?"

"Maybe, I don't know if I want to now," Maura admits.

"Don't be so childish."

"I don't think that I'm ready to tell you. I don't think that you're ready to hear this."

"Hear what? Is something wrong with you?" Allison jumps to conclusions.

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Then just tell me why you called."

"I shouldn't have called," Maura realizes.

"But you did. You're never going to get any sleep, like this. If you don't tell me what you called to tell me, the reason that you can't sleep, it's going to be a long night," Allison points out.

"I'm pregnant," Maura admits.


	22. Serious

"Excuse me? I think that I misunderstood. Maybe I heard you wrong. Maybe I am just deliriously tired. It sounded like you said that you're pregnant."

"I did."

"You're joking, right?"

"Would I call you in the middle of the night, if I were kidding?"

"No, good point. You're serious? You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Wait, when did that happen?"

"Does it matter."

"Oh, no, wait."

"What?"

"You're pregnant. No wonder you want me to like him. You're knocked up, again, by the sperm donor. I thought that you would have learned your lesson the first time."

"It's different now."

"You're older, and wiser, and richer. Now you can live happily ever after with your perfect family, perfect job, and perfect life."

"No, that's not it, at all."

"Are you sure? You couldn't do it right the first time, so you'll try not to screw it up the second time?"

"If I were trying to have a perfect life, don't you think that I would have been married, before I got pregnant?"

"Good point."

Maura doesn't say anything, she fights off tears. Allison hears heavy breathing on the phone.

"Maura?"

"Huh?"

"Have you told him, yet?"

"No."

"Why are you telling me, before him?"

"I don't know," she lies.

"You're afraid that he's going to abandon you again, aren't you?"

"No," she lies, again.

"Then why haven't you told him."

"I..." she trails off.

"You what?"

"I'm scared," she admits.

"That's ok."

"No, it's not. I shouldn't be scared. I can do this on my own, if I have to."

"But you don't want to."

"Does anyone?"

"It feels like you're a pregnant teenager all over again, doesn't it?"

"A little bit," Maura admits.

"You're afraid that you're already making the same mistakes you made before."

"Yes. I jumped in too soon. I trusted him too quickly. I haven't told him, and I don't know if I want to. I don't know if I'm ready to have a baby."

"You're not a scared kid anymore. You're an adult. You can handle this. You don't have to grow up, you already are."

"You're not mad?"

"Yes, I am."

"Then why are you being so understanding?"

"Because you would do the same for me."

"I'm your mother," Maura points out."Sometimes I do a better job at playing the mother role."

"I know," Maura admits, "I've never been very good at it."

"Now you have a chance to be great at it, if you want to be."

"I should let you go, I know that you're tired."

"I'll call you tomorrow, but not early."

"Ok. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"Love you, Allie-cat."

"Love you, mom," she yawns as he hangs up the phone.

Maura hangs up the phone, and places it on the bedside table. She flips off the light, and crawls back under he covers. She situates herself in the bed. She flattens her pillow to form perfectly to her head. She closes her eyes, and exhales for the first time in what seems like forever. Finally she falls asleep.

A few short hours later she is being awakened to the sound of her alarm squealing at her. She hits it, and sheepishly rolls out of bed. She haphazardly collects clothes to put on, and heads into the bathroom. She turns on the shower, and begins to peel off her pajamas.

As she is about to climb into the shower a bout of nausea hits her like a ton of bricks. She rockets towards the toilet, and lands in the bowl, face first. She pushes her hair back, in the knick of time. She spends the next several minutes emptying the contents of her stomach into the porcelain thrown.


	23. Just Two

She arrives at the crime scene, as her usual self, but something seems off. She ducks under the yellow tape, and heads down the walkway, into the house. She makes her way through the living room, into the kitchen.

She finds that the detectives are already waiting on her. She squats down, in her short dress, and four inch heels. She visually examines the body. Jane is the only one who notices her nostrils flare, and her jaw clench. She nods, and resumes a standing position. To techs come in and, remove the body. She follows the van back to the morgue.

Hours later, Jane, and Barry join her for autopsy. They come through the doors, as she stitches up her Y-incision. Barry tries not to watch. Jane notices how awkwardly far away, Maura stands from the body. Finally Maura finishes with her stitches. She stands back, and looks at the detectives.

"What did you find?" Jane questions.

"COD?" Barry inquires.

"I'm guessing it was the bullet through the heart," Jane replies.

"It was," Maura confirms, without any argument.

"The bullet?"

Maura reaches behind her. She grabs the jar off the counter. She hands it to Jane. Jane takes it, and looks at Frost.

"Will you take this, I want to talk to Maura, for a moment."

"Sure," he nods, graciously, as he leaves the autopsy room.

Jane stares at Maura. "What?" Maura asks.

"Do you want some Vick's?"

"Vick's? For what? I'm not sick."

"To rub under your nose."

"I'm fine."

"Really? You almost threw up at the crime scene."

"I did not."

"Tell me, what was the first thing you did when you got here."

"I threw up."

"Exactly. You're going to have to do something."

"I can't go around smelling like Vick's. Someone will notice."

"Maura you just need to come clean."

"Come clean? About what?"

"All of it."

"That will go over well. Hey, guys, I have news. I'm pregnant, oh and by the way I have a grown daughter. Surprise!"

"Well, I wouldn't say it, quite like that."

"How would you say it?'

"I don't know. Look, even if you don't say anything about Allison, you have got to tell them that you're pregnant."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to go down that road, again."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing."

"You told Allison?"

"She didn't take it well, but that's not what I'm talking about."

"Then what are you talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Something. Tell me."

"I told Allison weeks ago."

"And you haven't been yourself, since."

"Jane, that's not why."

"Oh, yeah, maybe it's because you have some serious morning sickness."

"I told Trent," she admits.

"When?"

"Last night."

"How did it go?"

_She takes a seat, at her dinner table. Trent sits across from her. Between them, is a mountain of food. She briefly glances at the food. She fights off the nausea. She stares at him._

_"What's on your mind?"_

_"Nothing," she lies._

_"Maura, I told you we could go out for dinner."_

_"I know."_

_"This looks great, but you didn't have to go to all of that trouble."_

_"I like to cook."_

_"So why did you want to eat in, tonight?"_

_"There is something I want to talk to you about."_

_"Ok. Have you talked to Allison, lately?"_

_"I haven't heard from her, in a few days," she answers, stretching the truth._

_"Oh. Is everything alright with her?"_

_"As far as I know. She's just mad at me. She'll get over it."_

_"Why is she mad at you?"_

_"That's not really important."_

_"I really wish she would let me be in her life."_

_"I know."_

_"I want to get to know her. I've already missed out on so much. I wish that we could go back, and change everything, but we can't."_

_"Trent," she begins._

_"Yes?" he smiles at her._

_"There is something that I need to tell you."_

_"Ok, go ahead."_

_"I'm not sure where to start."_

_"At the beginning."_

_"Do you think that we're moving too fast? That we jumped into this?"_

_"No," he shakes his head, "Why?"_

_"I just want to know where, we're at."_

_"I want to marry you, and spend the rest of my life with you. I want to grow old with you, just the two of us."_

_"Just the two of us?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Oh," her heart sinks._

_His eyes meet hers, "What's that look about?"_

_"Nothing," she shakes her head._

_"You sound disappointed."_

_"Sorry."_

_"You pictured something else?"_

_"Yes, I did."_

_"Maura, I love everything about you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but we're not teenagers, anymore. We're too old to start a family. It would be great, but neither of us are in a place in our lives, or careers that really allow us to do that. I worked really hard to get where I am, and I don't want to have to start from scratch. I don't want to have a kid, this late in the game. Allison is enough. I don't want to take anything away from her. I hope that eventually I'll have a relationship with her. Having another child wouldn't allow me to do that."_

_"I think that you should go."_

_"We're not on the same page?"_

_"Please leave," she begs._

_He leaves the table, and heads for the door. He stops, in the doorway, on his way out. He looks at her. She stands on the other side of the doorway._

_"Why are you so upset?" he asks, noting she's on the verge of tears._

_"I'm pregnant," she answers, shutting the door, in his face._


	24. For The Best

"Maura, I'm sure that it was just a misunderstanding."

"I haven't heard from him, since."

"Maybe it's for the best."

"I don't know if I can do this on my own."

"Maura you are a grown woman, with the financial means. You can do this. You will."

"Do you think that Allie will forgive me?"

"Eventually."

"What if we don't make it to eventually?"

"You will," Jane promises.

Maura arrives home late, that night. She takes a quick shower, and pours herself into bed. She's so sound asleep, that she doesn't hear the front door open, and close. She doesn't hear the footsteps coming up the stairs. She doesn't hear anyone coming down the hall. She doesn't feel them climb into bed, next to her.

When she wakes up, it's only four AM. The nausea hits her hard. She reaches for the phone, and calls in sick. She decides to take the day, to sort her life out. She spends over an hour in the bathroom. When she comes out, she realizes that there is a lump in the bed. She quickly realizes the lump is a person. She stands in the doorway of the bathroom, with the light on, contemplating what to do.

"Turn the light off, I'm trying to sleep," a familiar voice tells her.

"Allison, what are you doing, in my bed?"

"Turn the light off, and I'll tell you."

Maura turns the light off, and returns to bed. She climbs in, and snuggles under the covers.

"Why are you here?"

"Do I have to have a reason?"

"I guess not, but why are you in my bed?"

"Because I feel bad."

"If you feel sick..." Maura begins.

"No. I feel fine. I feel bad, about what I said to you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so mean. You need my support."

"That's why you're here?"

"Partially."

"And the rest?"

"I'm not having more radiation."

"What?"

"I can't go through it again. I don't want to."

"I think that you're making a mistake."

"Maybe I am, but I just want to live, until I die."

"I want to argue with that..."

"But you won't. You're just going to support me."

"Ok," Maura agrees.

"I missed you. I think that I want to move to Boston."

"I would not object."

"Sometimes, I act like you."

"Meaning, what, exactly?"

"Sometimes I don't always make the best decisions."

"Can this wait, until morning? Al, I'm exhausted."

"Ok," Allison agrees.

They both fall back to sleep. When Maura wakes up Allison is still in bed with her. The sun is shining in the window, but Allison is still sound asleep. Maura looks at the clock. It reads _923_. She gently shakes Allison.

"You can't sleep the day away."

Allison opens her eyes.

"Morning."

"Morning. What were you telling me?"

"Did you tell him?"

"Who?"

"Trent?"

"I did."

"And?"

"You were right."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes.

"Don't be. I'm glad that I know."

"He's a jerk, anyway."

"I misjudged him."

"He feigned interest in me, you know that, right."

"Why do you say that?"

"He's not genuine, and honest. He was just trying to get you..."

"Stop, right there."

"He was trying to get you into bed, and..."

"It worked. I don't want to talk about that."

"The point is, he isn't who you think he is."

"Jane thoroughly researched him."

"So, did I."

"And what did you find?"

"You weren't the only one. He's getting married."

"Getting married, what are you talking about?"

"He was dating another girl, the same time as he was with you. Her name is Brandi, with an I."

"Oh."

"And she's about twenty five. Their engagement was in the paper last night. I am surprised Jane didn't call you, and tell you."

"My phone is dead," she realizes, "I left it in the car, to charge."

"Why?"

"The wall charger shorted out, and nearly caught the house on fire."

"You lost it?"

"Misplaced it," Maura admits.

"So does this change things?"

Maura shakes her head, "Not at all. I am still keeping it."

"Do you really even believe in abortion?"

"It's a woman's right to choose."

"But, it's not right for you?"

"I guess."

"Why do you feel that way?" Allison wonders.

"To find that answer, all you have to do is look in the mirror."

"What do you mean?"

"I am thankful every day, that despite all of the mistakes I made, that I had you."

"You wouldn't take it back?"

"No," Maura answers, confidently.


	25. Not Brokenhearted

Allison doesn't respond. She breaks eye contact. She stares past Maura, with a guilty look on her face. Maura instantly picks up on it.

"What's wrong?"

"I should have called, before I came. You have a lot going on, and..." she begins to ramble.

"You don't have to call, ever. I'm your mother, you are welcome here, any time."

"When I got home, I was not in a very good place."

"I know that."

"I should have stayed longer."

"It's ok. You're here now."

"I have to try to figure out how I can finish school."

"It might take you a little extra time, but it will be ok."

"A lot of extra time."

"Allison, what's wrong?"

"I did something stupid."

"Please tell me that you didn't get a butterfly tramp stamp."

"No, why would you think that?"

"When you were about seven, you had an obsession with them. They came out with a barbie doll, who had one, and you wanted one."

"I didn't get a tramp stamp."

"You got a tattoo?"

"No. You know that I hate them."

"You could have poor judgment, and get one anyway."

"Thanks, for having faith in me."

"What did you do?"

"Maybe now is not the time to tell you. Maybe, it's best if you don't know."

"Know what?"

Allison furrows her brow. She contemplates telling the truth, or lying. She looks up. She sees the picture of herself, and Maura on Maura's bedside stand. It's a picture of them, when she's about three. Finally she looks Maura in the eyes, and responds.

"I did something, that I shouldn't have done."

"Ok."

"And I can't take it back."

"Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."

"It's a little more permanent than a tattoo."

"What do you mean?"

_She comes home, and drops her bags, in the living room. She heads to the couch, with a pint of rocky road. She flips on the TV, in preparation for a night of movies, and ice cream. There is a knock on the door. She wipes away tears, as she heads to the door, to answer it. She checks the peephole, and then unlatches the door. She pulls it open._

_A tall, handsome, guy stands in front of her. He has big blue eyes, and a bright white smile. She almost smiles, upon seeing his face. He frowns, when he sees hers._

_"You've been crying," he realizes._

_"Nate! I thought that you were going away for the weekend."_

_"I heard that you were coming back, so I stayed."_

_"How does a girl get so lucky?"_

_"I don't know," he shrugs._

_"I'm glad that you're my best friend."_

_"Since freshman year, until we're living in the senior citizen home," he promises._

_"I'm lucky to have you."_

_"Can I come in?"_

_"I had a pretty big night planned."_

_"Rocky road, and 80's movies?" he guesses._

_"You know me too well."_

_"What has you down in the dumps?"_

_"I don't want to talk about it."_

_"You can't wallow, alone."_

_"Ok," she agrees. _

_"You need a hug?"_

_She nods. He wraps her in his muscular arms. He is the size of a bear, but in his arms she feels completely safe. After a few moments he lets go of her. _

_"Nate, I'm glad you came," she admits just a couple of inches from his face. He pushes stray strands of hair out of her eyes. She takes a step closer, and they kiss._

Maura looks at her, in confusion. She shakes her head, trying to understand what her daughter is trying to tell her.

"You kissed Nate?"

"Yes," Allison confirms.

"He's been your best friend, for years."

"I never should have kissed him."

"It was just a kiss. I am sure that your friendship can survive that."

"It wasn't just a kiss," Allison reveals.

"You made out with him?"

Allison stares at Maura with a look of devastation, and guilt, on her face. Maura's heart sinks. She swallows hard, as Allison shakes her head, "No, that's not all."

"So..."

"I slept with him."

"Was it bad?"

"No! How can you even ask me something like that?"

"I know that it's a big deal to you, because he's your best friend but..." she stops in order to keep from sticking her foot in her mouth.

"But, what?"

"I always figured that the two of you would end up together."

"He has a girlfriend."

"Oh. So, you're broken-hearted."

"No. I'm confused, really confused."

"That's understandable."

"You don't know the half of it."

"Explain it to me."

"I don't want to do the radiation."

"You said that last night, why are you bringing it up, now? What does one have to do with the other?"

"Even if I wanted to, I can't."

"Can't? Allison, what are you talking about?"

"I'm not broken-hearted, I'm pregnant," she delivers the news.


	26. Choices

Maura doesn't say anything. She gets out of bed, and wanders into the closet. Allison calls after her.

"You're not going to say anything?"

Maura comes out of the closet with clean clothes, "I am going to take a shower."

"That's cold."

"No," Maura shakes her head, "I have to walk away. I need a few minutes to myself, to process what you just told me. I don't want to say something, that I'll regret," she reveals, as she steps into the bathroom.

"Ok," Allison nods, as Maura closes the bathroom door.

Allison leaves the room, and heads into the hallway. From the hallway she stops off in the guest bedroom. She grabs clothes, and goes into the guest bathroom, for a shower. She begins peeling clothes. She stops, and looks at herself in the mirror. The scar, on her right arm catches her attention.

She studies the scar in the mirror. The scar that reminds her, she's not perfect. A PICC line scar. The reminder from her first battle with cancer. A battle she had thought she won, until now. Her eyes travel to the reflection of her face. Her face is pale, much paler than usual. There are heavy, dark circles under her eyes. She looks sick. She turns on the shower, and climbs in, preventing herself from obsessing.

Maura finishes her shower. She grabs a towel, and steps out. She stops in the mirror, and checks her reflection. She pulls on her undergarments, once she's got her bra on, she hangs the towel back up. One towel remains wrapped around her wet hair. She moves over to the bathroom door. On the back of it, hangs a full length mirror. She stops, and looks at herself. Her eyes linger on a scar. The scar is hardly visible.

The horizontal scar, across her lower abdomen. A reminder, that no matter how far away, her daughter was, at any given time, she was once there. Inside of her, in a breech position, for the entire last month. That, is the reason, for the scar. Despite Maura's best attempts, the little girl refused to turn around. And after hours of excruciating pain, in an attempt to deliver the baby, naturally, her attempts proved futile.

She stares at the c-section scar. It was faint, but any lay person, could tell you what it was. She had once, briefly considered putting a tattoo over it. Once she saw the drawing, she realized that it would just draw more attention to it. So, if anyone ever asked her, about it, she would make something up. She would lie through her teeth, to avoid revealing her past.

She moves away from the mirror. She dries her hair, and gets dressed, for the day. She exits the bathroom, and goes down the stairs. She stops in the kitchen, opening the refrigerator, in search of something to eat. She settles on low-fat, vanilla, yogurt. She takes a seat, on a barstool, in front of the island.

Allison comes down the stairs, a few minutes later. She doesn't even look at the refrigerator. She simply takes a seat, next to Maura. She looks at her, waiting for her to say something. She eat her yogurt, in silence.

"Say, something, please."

"I am not sure that you want to hear what I have to say," Maura admits, putting the yogurt aside.

"Yes, I do."

"I don't want to say something, that I will regret, later."

"It's ok. I can handle, whatever, you have to say."

"You acted irresponsibly."

"You want to start off there? Really? Because that certainly seems like the pot calling the kettle black. You got pregnant with me, at sixteen. Now, you're thirty eight, and you have gotten pregnant again. Both times, unintentionally. Both times, you were fully aware of how to prevent it."

"I know that. It doesn't change the fact, that you were irresponsible, too."

"Don't you think that I know that?"

"Allison, you are twenty-one. You know better."

"You're thirty-eight, what happened?"

"I was stupid."

"And, yet you act as if what I did is worse."

"I expect more for you," Maura reveals.

"I am sorry to disappoint you."

"I'm not disappointed."

"It seems that way."

"Allison, I'm angry."

"You don't get to be angry at me," she argues.

"I am," Maura counters.

"Why?"

"You are not ready to have a baby."

"Maybe," Allison trails off, and decides not to say something hateful, and hurtful, to Maura.

"Have you thought about the risks of having this baby?"

"You're asking me if I've thought about not having this baby? I can't believe that you would ask me that. What would make you think, that I would even consider having an abortion? You had me, before your seventeenth birthday."

"The circumstances are completely different."

"I know, I could get a good job, and take care of a baby."

Maura shakes her head, in disbelief, "You are not being realistic."

"Why do you say that?"

"Allison I understand wanting to have something, that is your own. I get that."

"No, you don't. I was told, that the likelihood of me ever getting pregnant, was less than one percent. I thought that I was never going to get the chance to have a child."

"I understand that."

"Do you?"

"Yes, I do. Allison, I understand why you want to do this."

"This baby, is a miracle, and I'm not..."

Maura cuts her off, "And after that baby gets here, who is going to raise it."

"I will."

Maura flares her nostrils, "You can't raise a baby, if you're dead."

"So, what? You want me to abort this baby, and go through another round of treatment. You want me to be miserable, for the next several months, while they attempt to kill the cancer? And then what? After all of that, I will not be able to have a baby. I will never be able to conceive a child."

"What good are you going to be, to that baby, if you're dead?"

"I'm not having an abortion."

"Allison have you considered what happens, if the cancer spreads?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if it affects the baby. Or, what if it effects you, so much that the baby has to be delivered, prematurely. And, then it has no quality of life? Have you considered that?"

"I am going to do this."

"You will be lucky, to see your child go to pre-school."

"I know that."

"And, then what? If you die, what happens to your baby? Who raises it? Who gets to pick up the pieces?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.


	27. White Lies

"Did you tell Nate, yet?"

She shakes her head, "No, I am telling you. You are the first person that I've told."

"I'm sorry, I can't be ok with this."

"You're just supposed to support me."

"Allison, I can't support you killing yourself."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"I want this baby."

"So are you going to have treatment, after the baby is born?"

"I can't have radiation after the baby is born. Then I won't even be able to hold my own baby."

"So, you're just going to choose to do nothing, instead?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"What, if you both die? Then what?"

"I am going to do this. You're not going to change my mind."

"Does Nate know, that your cancer is back?"

"No."

"You have to tell him."

"I haven't spoken to him, in weeks."

"Why not?"

"Because I couldn't bear the thought, of having to face him."

"Call him."

"I am not going to tell him, over the phone."

"Call him, have him come here. I'll pay for the plane ticket."

"No. I am an adult. I can handle this on my own. I don't need your help."

"Really? Who is going to help you, raise this baby?"

"You have a baby of your own, that you have to raise."

Maura walks away.

Jane calls, when she realizes that Maura isn't at work.

"Hello?" Maura answers after two rings.

"Where are you?"

"At home."

"Why?"

"I decided to use one of my sick days."

"You're feeling pretty crummy, huh?"

"Even more so, now."

"What's going on?"

"Allison showed up, last night."

"Is she ok?"

"She's trying to kill me, I think."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll tell you later."

"If you need me, give me a call."

"Thanks, I'll talk to you later," she hangs up.

She hears Allison open the door. She hears voices, and then Allison calls up the stairs, for her. "There's someone here to see you," she hollers.

Maura comes down the stairs. Allison is nowhere in sight. The front door is closed. When she reaches the bottom of the stairs, she stares at the figure, in front of the door, in confusion.

"What are you doing here?"

"I know that I should have called first, but I had to see you," he admits.

"Why? To rub it in? I heard that you're getting married."

"No, I'm not."

"You weren't with another girl, the whole time that you were with me?"

"I was with her, before I was with you."

"That makes it better?"

"No. It doesn't. Maura, I love you. I broke things off with her."

"I don't believe it."

"I want you. I fell in love, with you. Anytime I was with her, all I could think about, was you. I'm so sorry."

"That's not going to work."

"Maura, please. I want to be with you. I want to be a family."

"No."

"No?"

"I don't want to be with someone, who lies, and cheats."

"Marry me," he begs, dropping to one knee.

"Get up. I am not going to marry you, now, or ever."

"Maura, please, just hear me out."

"No," she shakes her head, "I deserve more than this. I want someone that I can trust. I can't trust you."

"I am sorry. Maura, I have something I need to tell you, something I should have told you, earlier."

"What?"

"I knew."

"You knew, what?"

"I knew, that you were pregnant."

"And, yet you went on, and on about just the two of us?"

He shakes his head, "Not what I mean."

"What are you talking about?"

"Maura, I knew that you were pregnant. I spent two hours a day with you, for months. I knew."

"You knew? How?"

"The night you were leaving the library, I was coming to talk to you."

"You have to be more specific, I spent most of my time in the library."

"You didn't think anyone was watching you. I saw you toss the pregnancy test, in the garbage, outside the library. I saw you crying. I knew."

"You knew, and you did nothing? Unbelievable."

"Maura, I was just a kid. I wasn't ready to be a parent. When you didn't say anything to me about it, I just assumed that you took care of it."

"Wow, she was right about you."

"Who?"

"My daughter. She has always been a good judge of character. She didn't like you. She told me that you were bad news. I should have listened to her, instead of being pulled in, by your charm."

"Our daughter," he corrects.

"No. You are just her sperm donor."

"And were more of a parent to her, than I was?"

"I am the only parent she has. I am all she has. You need to leave, now. Don't come back."

"Please, forgive me. I made mistakes, a lot of them. I'm so sorry. I realize how foolish I was. I love you, I just want to be with you."

"That's never going to happen."

"You're having my baby."

She looks him in the eyes, "No, I'm not."

"You're not?"

"Not anymore," she lies.

"You mean..." he chokes.

"There is no baby," she tells him.


	28. Honestly

He leaves, and she locks the door behind him. She lowers herself to the ground, after he leaves. She leans against the door, and begins to sob. Allison comes down the stairs. She kneels on the floor, next to Maura.

"It's ok," Allison reassures her.

"No, it's not. None of this is ok. I have made such a mess of everything."

Allison pushes Maura's hair, out of her face. She holds her face, so that Maura cannot avoid eye contact.

"Listen to me, it's going to be ok. You are going to get through this. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for being."

"Don't."

"Don't?"

"You shouldn't have to do this. You are the child."

"I am not a child."

"You are my child. I am your mother. You shouldn't be the one, who has to pick up the pieces."

"It's ok."

"No, it's not."

Allison takes a seat on the floor.

"Mom..."

Maura looks over at her. Through the tears she can't help, but want to smile, "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry that I disappointed you."

Maura tucks Allison's long hair behind her ear. "You didn't."

"The look in your eye, earlier, that was disappointment."

Maura smiles at her, "One day you will understand."

"Understand what?"

"The desire to keep your child safe, at all costs."

"You don't want me to have this baby."

"I want you to have every dream, that you have ever wanted. If you want a baby, then I want that for you."

"But?"

"But you are always going to be _my_ baby. I am always going to want to protect you. I just can't stand the thought, of not having you. I don't want to think about losing you."

"I know."

"But, I know that you have always had the strength to do whatever you set your mind to."

"You think that I am making a mistake?"

"I think, that I am being selfish. I want to keep you, forever."

"You want me to be a baby..."

"Sometimes, every now, and then, I look at you, and I can't believe how grown up you are. Sometimes I just wish you were a little baby, again. I would hold you in my arms, and know that you were safe, and never let go. I wish that I could go back, and get to see all the things that I missed."

"You're going to have a new baby, and forget all about me."

"No, I won't."

"You're disappointed, that I got pregnant, aren't you?"

"No," she lies.

"I think that I should move here. I want to be in close proximity, to you."

"I think you need to talk to Nate, before you make any decisions."

"I doubt that he is going to want to be involved."

"He deserves to know."

"You just lied to Trent."

"Did I? As far as I am concerned it's not his. It's mine, just like you are mine."

"Why did you lie to him?"

"Do you think that your life would have turned out better, if he had been involved?"

"He wouldn't have been, so no."

"Exactly."

"He's the same person he was as a teenager. He still acts like a scared, little, child."

"I agree."

"Why didn't you go to work today? You never call in sick?"

"I'm exhausted. I would like to have a couple of restful hours of sleep, before I have a new baby."

"It's scary, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Thinking about the fact that you're going to have a new baby."

"It's really scary, at my age. I think of all the things that can go wrong. I think about how old I am going to be, when it graduates high school."

"At least you won't be in your early thirties."

Maura cringes at her next thought, "You..." she trails off.

"I, what?"

"You are going to make me grandmother, before I'm forty."

"Sorry."

"I am going to have a child that is the same age, as my grandchild."

"You can just pretend that you had twins."

"I am tired of pretending."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What's going to happen?"

"When?"

"When, I die."

Maura feels a lump forming in her throat. She stares at her daughter, a spitting image of her, in so many ways. Hazel eyes, and a sweet smile. Her hair, had been one of the good things she received from her father. The sandy blonde locks are tucked behind her ears. Maura tries not to think of having to put her daughter in a casket. She begins to tear up.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It's ok. It's a valid question. I was just thinking about you, when you were a baby."

"We can talk about this later, if it upsets you."

"No, we can talk about it now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Maura nods.

"So what happens?"

"In the event that you die, before your child is grown?"

"Yes, in that hypothetical, yet highly likely event."

"What do you want to happen?"

"I just want to know, that it will be taken care of."

"I will. I'll make sure that everything is taken care of. I won't let he, or she, be an orphan."

"You'll..."

"I will raise it, if I have to."

"Thank you."

"But, on one condition."

"What?"

"You have to tell Nate, everything. You have to be honest with him, and tell him the whole story."

"You weren't with the sperm donor."

"That is different, your sperm donor is a bastard, Nate is a good guy."

Allison starts laughing, hysterically.


	29. More

Maura keeps peeking out the kitchen window, as she prepares dinner. Allison sits at the island, watching her.

"Why do you keep looking out the window."

"No, reason," Maura lies as she stirs.

"Is Jane stopping by, after work?"

"Not that I know of, why?"

"I thought maybe you were looking for her."

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"The two of you are thicker than thieves," Allison comments.

"She is the first true friend that I've had."

"How many times did she call you today?"

"A few."

"Did you answer her?"

"Yes," Maura confirms.

"Can I ask you something, without you getting offended?"

"You can try."

"It seems to me like Jane..."

Maura cuts her off, completely aware of where Allison is headed, "Jane is completely heterosexual."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"You spend a lot of time with her.

"She's my best friend. I have never had a friend like her. She's like a sister to me. We don't always agree about things, but we support each other, for the simple fact that we're friends."

"I see."

"Haven't you ever had a friend like that?"

"Only once," Allison admits.

"Who?""You."

"I don't count."

"Nate, but... I slept with him."

"Yes, you keep reminding me of that."

"Sorry, I'll stop."

Maura sees the headlights in the driveway. She feels her stomach twist into knots. She turns the burner off, and pivots towards Allison. She looks her in the eyes.

"Allie, there is something I should tell you."

"What?"

"When you took a nap earlier, I borrowed your phone."

"Why? You have your own."

"I did something bad."

"What?"

"I called Nate."

"What? Why would you do that?"

"I knew that you hadn't."

"Unbelievable. What did you tell him?"

"I just told him that you were here, and that you were safe. I told him that you were upset, but that you would be ok."

"Oh, and what did he say?"

"He said that you haven't been answering his calls, or returning his texts. He said that he's been worried sick about you."

"Why are you telling me this, now?"

The knock on the door answers her question. Allison looks at Maura in utter disbelief. Maura tries to beat Allison to the door, but she's unsuccessful. Allison pushes her out of the way.

"That better not be him," she warns, as she reaches for the door handle.

"Sorry."

Allison pulls the door open. She finds a statuesque man standing before her. He stares at her, with big eyes, that are full of worry. He has a duffle bag over his shoulder.

"What are you doing here?"

"I knew something was wrong, when she told me that you came home."

"I'm fine," she assures him.

He smiles at her, "Don't lie to me. You know that I know, when you're lying."

"Come in," she steps aside.

By this point Maura has returned to the kitchen. Nate puts his bag down, near the door, and slips off his shoes. Allison shakes her head.

"I have told you, you don't have to do that."

"My mother raised a gentlemen, it's a sign of respect."

"She's in the kitchen," Allison tells him.

"As much as I love your mother, I am here to see you."

"I would be offended, if you didn't at least come in here, and say hello," Maura calls out.

He makes his way into the kitchen. He pulls her into a hug. Finally he lets go, and smiles at her, "Nice to see you again, Maura."

"Allison is going to tell you, what's going on, or I will."

He looks to Allison. She stares at him, with guilt. "I'm ready," he reassures her, yet he runs his hand through this blonde hair, nervously.

"Have a seat," she suggests.

The chiseled, well muscled, twenty-something, takes a seat on a barstool, in front of the island, in the center of the kitchen.

"Are you going to tell me why you were so upset, when you came home?"

Allison nods, "I found out that the cancer is back," she replies flatly.

He feels his heart sink. He feels as if the wind has been knocked out of him, "Oh."

"And I decided that I don't want to pursue treatment."

"Why not? Allison, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say."

"I'm sorry."

"Allison, I don't want to lose you."

"I know."

"I don't think that you do. Kate, and I broke up. Allie, I love you. After you came back, I realized, you are the only girl I ever want to be with."

"I hope that one day you will feel differently."

"Why? Why would you say that?"

"Because one day, I'm going to be gone. I hope that you can find someone else."

"I don't think that I would want to. I love you, and only you."

"You are not making this any easier."

"Good. This shouldn't be easy. You should get treatment. You should want to live, and have a life, with me."

"I do."

"So what's the problem?" he inquires.

"I want our baby, more."


	30. Fairytale Ending?

"What?"

Maura excuses herself, without a word. Allison takes a seat, next to Nate. He swallows hard, "I could have sworn you said baby."

"I did," she admits.

"Our baby?"

"Yes," she nods, in confirmation.

"You're..." he feels panic set in.

"I'm pregnant."

"This is great, but it's not... I..."

"It's great?" she raises an eyebrow.

"I want you," he clarifies.

"I want this baby."

"I don't want you to leave me, ever."

"I don't either, but I am going to do whatever I have to, to have this baby. I will sacrifice whatever is necessary, to give this child life."

Maura, sits on the stairs, out of sight. She listens closely. This statement nearly brings her to tears.

"Why? There are a million babies in the world. There is one born every minute. You can have a baby."

"I want this baby. I want our baby."

"I want you to live, to see our fiftieth anniversary."

"I want that too."

"But you want this baby?"

"More than anything else, I have ever wanted."

"Even more than the Chrysler convertible you wanted, freshman year?"

"I got that," she points out.

"And, you were sick of it, after a week. You had to call your mom, and apologize, because you traded the car in, on something else. She bought you a car, and you traded for that death trap you drive, now."

"Lizzie, is very reliable."

"She's a green monster, who rolls backwards, on inclines, of greater than six inches."

"She's temperamental."

"Allison, this is not a car. You can trade it, for the other option, after a week."

"I know that.""Have you really thought this through?"

"Yes. I want this baby."

"There is nothing I can say, to change your mind?"

"No," she admits.

"What if I don't want to be involved?"

"That is up to you."

"You know me better than that. I'm not going anywhere. I am not going to miss a single thing."

"This is not going to be easy. It is going to be incredibly hard. There are going to be so many days, when you will just want to walk away. And, if you chose to, I wouldn't blame you. I don't expect you to stick this out. I don't expect anyone to. There will be a point, at which, I will be so sick, you will think that death is a blessing. I will reach a point, where I am in so much pain, that you will want to kill me yourself, to put me out of my misery. That being said, nothing I can ever tell you, will prepare you for the hell that is to come."

"I am never, going anywhere."

"I am just letting you know, you haven't seen anything, yet."

"I know how hard it's going to be."

"And when I get that sick, I want you to take our child, and leave. You are not going to argue with me. I do not want he, or, she to remember me like that."

"Will it even be old enough to remember?"

"Probably, not."

"And, what if the pregnancy just adds fuel to the fire? What if neither of you make it?"

"Don't think like that," she begs.

"But..."

"If you ever have to choose, for any reason, don't choose me. I am a lost cause. My death sentence is already written. Choose our child."

"Have you thought, about what happens, if our child gets cancer? What if, after all of this, our child doesn't make it out of childhood?"

"I haven't given it much thought."

"What do I do? If you're both sick?"

"Don't choose me."

"I love you."

"You will love this baby, more."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I already do."

"How can you be so calm about this?"

"I have accepted the hand that was dealt to me. There is no reason to get upset, over the things that I cannot control."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"I'm not gonna run. That's not the kind of man I am."

"Oh," she looks at him, in confusion, as if this is a possibility that she has not yet considered.

"And, if I could have your mother's blessing, I would like to marry you."

"What?"

"Marry me," he begs, dropping to the ground. He smiles up at her, with a diamond ring, on bended knee.

Maura comes out, from her hiding place. She snaps a picture, that catches the young couple off guard.

"You have my permission," Maura smiles, from ear, to ear.

"I..." Allison stares at the ring, unsure of what to say.

"Marry me, and make me that happiest guy, ever. I love you, so much. The first time I met you, I knew that there was something different about you. I told my friends, 'I have to get to know, that, girl.' And, I'm glad that I did. When I got to know you, I realized that I wanted to be your friend, until the day that I die. I want us, to have an ending, like the _Notebook._ By the way, I will never forgive you, for making me watch that movie. Regardless, I love you, and I want you to be my wife."

"Oh."

"Is that a yes?"

"Ok," Allison nods.


	31. Supposed To Be

Maura feels herself being nudged awake. She opens her eyes, and realizes that she's fallen asleep on the couch. Angela stands in front of her.

"You should go to bed. You have to go to work tomorrow."

"What time is it?"

Angela laughs, checking her watch, "Nine thirty."

"I fell asleep, at nine thirty?"

"You were asleep an hour ago, but I didn't want to wake you."

"You should have."

"Oh, Allison wanted me to tell you, that she left."

"She left? Without saying goodbye?"

"She said that she would be back."

"When?"

"She didn't leave town, she just went to the movies. She should be back soon."

"Oh."

"So, what's the story on the very handsome, young man that she was with?"

"He is her best friend.""The way he looked at her..."

"He just proposed to her."

"All of that excitement, and you fell asleep, on the couch?"

"I'm a terrible mother, it's just another thing to add to the list."

Angela shakes her head, Maura sits up. Angela takes a seat, next to her.

"You are not a terrible mother."

"You, and Jane, are the only people who know about her, aside from my own parents."

"I thought that you told her father."

"Oh, and Nate."

"Nate?"

"The young man, who just proposed marriage, to my daughter," Maura clarifies.

"Oh," Angela nods.

"Six people, know that she is my daughter. What kind of mother, am I, to have a twenty-one year old daughter, who only six people, know exists?"

"An over-protective one."

"Not a very good one. I have never been a very good mother."

"Maura, you were sixteen years old, when she was born. You made decisions, that no sixteen year old, should ever have to make. You did the best you could, with the resources that you had."

"I made the wrong choices."

"No, you didn't. She's an amazing young woman."

"I had nothing to do with that."

"Why don't you see it? You had everything to do with it. You were her only role model."

"I was emotionally distant, and unavailable, when she needed me."

"I don't believe that."

"Why not?"

"I have only ever, seen you openly emotional, with her."

"I..."

"Maura, I have daughter, of my own. A strong-willed, stubborn daughter. We fight most of the time, but it is not a connection that can be mimicked. You have that connection with Allison. She listens to you, even if she acts as if she doesn't hear you."

"I should have done more."

"You have the rest of her life, to do more."

"But, I can't make up, for all of the times, that I wasn't there for her."

"As a parent, you cannot be there for your child, twenty-four hours a day. You do your best, and that, is all you can do. Even the best parent, has regrets. We all, wish that we could go back, and change some things, or we could have done something better, when it comes to our children?"

"Even you?"

"Yes, even me."

"You are the most amazing mother, I have ever met."

"Have you met my daughter?"

"Yes."

"I made so many mistakes with her. My first child. My daughter. She tested me, and sometimes, I didn't pass."

"What do you mean?"

"When she was thirteen, she was asked to a sweetheart dance. Jane, was never interested, in those sorts of things."

"But she wanted to go?"

"She got asked by a cute boy."

"What happened?"

"We went dress shopping. She picked out this gorgeous, pink dress. I was amazed. She never liked pink, or dresses. I was shocked at her choice. She really wanted the dress."

"It wasn't age appropriate?"

"It was."

"You didn't get the dress?"

"I told her that it was too expensive. I couldn't stomach spending that much money, on a dress, that she was only going to wear once. She ended up, no going to the dance. She didn't talk to me, for quite some time."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You don't have to give your child everything, that they want, all of the time. They might be mad at you, for a while, but they'll get over it. They will still love you."

"I'm afraid that I can't fix it."

"Why not?"

"I am afraid that I don't have enough time."

"Maura, she's not going anywhere."

"She's sick."

"Maura, sometimes you have to turn the doctor portion of your brain off."

"What do you mean?"

"You have to think with your mom brain, sometimes."

"What?"

"You convince yourself, that the impossible will happen."

"Oh."

"Sometimes, all the science in the world, won't do you any good."

"I..."

Angela cuts her off, "You have to have faith."

"I don't believe, the same things that you do."

"That's ok. You just have to believe, that you don't have all the answers."

"I don't."

"And, that sometimes, miracles do happen. Sometimes you just have to have faith, that things will work out; not the way you want them to; not the way you plan for them to; but the way that they are supposed to."


	32. Shut Down

Jane stands in autopsy, with Maura. They hover over a dead body. Maura remains quiet. Her mood seems as solemn as her black scrubs. Her hair has been wrestled into a braid. She studies the corpse on the table, very carefully. Jane taps her foot.

"What?" Maura huffs, without looking up.

"Nothing," Jane lies.

"Jane, I can feel you looking at me," Maura responds, with her eyes focused on the body on her table.

"It's nothing, really."

"Do you have a question, about the body?"

"No," Jane admits.

"Then, what?"

"Maura, Allison left weeks ago," Jane begins.

"Please don't remind me."

"And, I haven't heard you talk about her, since."

"Jane, not now. I am in the middle of an autopsy. It can wait."

"You're that angry with her?"

"No," Maura shakes her head.

"Is this the part where you tell me that I'm not a mother, so I can't understand?"

"No."

"Maura, talk to me. You've shut down. You have shut everyone out, and..."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just let me in. I am your best friend."

"I know."

"What's going on? You've been so quiet lately."

"There is too much on my plate, and I just don't know where to begin," she admits, focusing on her incision.

"It doesn't matter."

"I..."

"Maura, why haven't you told anyone?"

"Told them what?"

"That you're pregnant?"

"I told you, and Allison."

"And Trent. That isn't what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

"You're what, twelve weeks, now?"

"Thirteen," Maura corrects.

"So, why haven't you told anyone. Why haven't you told anyone that we work with, that you're pregnant. It's supposed to be exciting news. You should be happy, and..."

"I am trying, very hard, to be happy," she admits, clenching her jaw, fighting off the tears.

"I understand, it's bittersweet."

"I..."

"And, you haven't told them about Allison, why not?"

"I just can't handle all of the questions, right now. My pregnant daughter, that almost no one knows about, is dying. How am I supposed to explain that?"

"Just be honest."

"How? I am having a hard enough time being honest with myself."

"Have you spoken to your mother, lately?"

She shakes her head, "No. My mother tries to pretend that..."

"Allison doesn't exist."

"And, that's my fault."

"You were only a child."

"But she was mine, and I was supposed to protect her, and I didn't."

"Maura..."

"Jane, I keep asking myself, how am I going to do this. At my age, I am starting all over. I am going to be a single parent. And, not only am I going to be raising my own child, but I will probably be raising hers too. It's not fair."

"Maura, life is hard, and most days, I, myself, wonder, how we are supposed to get through it all. There is so much bad in the world," Jane motions to the bludgeoned teenager on Maura's table, "but there is still hope."

Maura blinks. She takes a look, at the victim's face. She shakes her head.

"She's seventeen. She hasn't even lived yet."

"I know. We're going to catch whoever did this to her."

"That's what I hate about all of this," Maura admits.

"What?"

"You can catch a murderer. You can lock him up, and throw away the key. I can't catch Allison's cancer, and keep it from ever hurting her again."

"Maura I know how hard all of this is, for you. I think, that it's time that you lighten some of your burden."

"What do you mean?"

"It's time to unload it."

"To everyone?"

"Yeah," Jane nods.

Korsak comes into the room, through the double doors. He smiles at the two women, standing over the autopsy table. They are both silent, but wear sullen looks, on their faces.

"We're sending Frankie to get lunch, you want anything?"

"The usual," Jane answers.

"Dr. Isles?"

"No, thank you."

"Ok, then," he turns to leave.

"Wait!" Maura calls after him.

"You changed your mind?"

"About a lot of things," she admits.

"I meant about lunch," he clarifies.

"Can you come in here, for a moment?" she inquires.

He nods, in agreement. "Do you want my expert opinion, on something?" he teases.

"No, I have something that I want to tell you," she admits.

"About the victim?"

"About me," Maura clarifies.

"Ok," he nods.

"I thought that you should be the first to know..."

"Not the first," Jane shakes her head.

"Jane knows."

"That doesn't count," Korsak responds.

"I wanted to tell you, that..." she pauses.

"That what?"

"I'm pregnant."

He smiles at her. "That's great, congratulations."

"Thank you."

"I thought that you were going to tell me about your daughter," he smirks.


	33. Telling

"Excuse me?" She raises an eyebrow, beginning to panic.

"I saw the two of you, at lunch, one day."

"I..."

"I am probably not supposed to know, she's old enough to be your sister. It's clear that she's not. She looks just like you."

Maura turns to Jane. Jane shakes her head, "Don't look at me, I didn't say anything."

"Maura, it doesn't matter," he tells her.

"But..."

"How old were you?"

"Too young," she admits.

"Your secret is safe with me, doc."

"How long have you know?"

"A while."


End file.
